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One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this: Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing? Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing? Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit! Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area? Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man? Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE! Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this. Agent: Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder? Caller: Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn. Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

Summer activities are heating up at Loveless Motel. We've retained the services of one of our frequent guests for this season, Coach Luke Atma Peterson, and he's ready to teach you a thing or two, We understand he's just as good at twirling balls off the court, as he is on the court. His goal is to loosen you up and stretch your holistic horizons.

After the debacle of the drunken Christmas Card scandal, it seems the word has gotten out at Loveless Motel, and guests are requesting pictures of themselves posing in front of the tree in the lobby. Photo sessions are allowed only between the hours of 3 AM and 5 AM when the exterior lobby doors are locked. "Snap" Wadmacher, ace inhouse photographer at Shutterbug Camera Shop says his index finger is sore from all the extra action it's been seeing lately. Here's and example of the result: Calvin is currently staying in room 222 and has offered to provide "Snap" with something else to do with his finger.

Roger, a model from Zeus Studio, heard about us through the grapevine, and will be selling and signing autographs on his latest spread at After Midnight Arcade, where you can watch a movie, buy the latest physique magazines, and bedtime reading. We hear he likes blondes and redheads, but never turns down a good offer, especially when a second cumming is likely.

Come on in, take a chance! A little chiaroscuro for your pants! Our Gray Flannel look at You Crazy Beach Hut, on the beach at the lake at Loveless Motel, is a popular option for those who like light and shadow, and a tight fit.

We realize that not all our guests at Loveless Motel may need the fashion advise of our eager and expert staff at Suit Up, located off the lobby, and remind those budget-minded souls that there is a large gap between the right outfit and the wrong outfit. Walk Socks?

Head over to Suit Up at Loveless Motel, for the latest in casual wear and mens suits. Seen here is our tailor, Mr. Billy Swallows, right, along with his assistant Mr. Dante' Dewitt, sizing up their client, seated, whose measurements will be taken for the perfect fit. You guessed it; they're located off the lobby.

One of our local men (a townie) has been hired by Shutter Bug Camera Shop at Loveless Motel. More frequently seen at Loveless Motel as one of the men on the garbage truck, one of our guests mentioned that we should look into hiring him on, after a chance encounter with him near the dumpster behind the Bunkhouse. "I'd have paid good money for that, but got it for free!" exclaimed the guest. The new man has a winning smile and a few other attributes that he'd love to show you in your next private in-room photo shoot. No longer a garbageman, he is now elevated to premium trash. Ask about rates for Rod.

Mornings are a great time to get out and explore some of the trails around Loveless Motel. You'll have the whole place nearly to yourself, and be able to commune with other early-rising nature lovers

One of our maintenance men, "Bang" Bengtsson, here, can often be seen sunning himself in some remote part of the property or other, though no part is so remote that you won't be able to find him if you need some "maintenance." He's a Swedish immigrant who excels at saying "Hyew are yew? Dyew I know yew? Anyway, dyew yew want to dyew the scryew?" and afterwards, "Are you thryew?"

A good tanline is always a nice contrast to a naturally swarthy slab, but is nearly outdone by a winning smile. Come show us your tanline at Happy Hour this evening, at Loveless Motel.