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While you're holed up for the holidays here at Loveless Motel, tobacconist Dick Blunt has a question for you. Is 1969 the year you stop smoking for good? Stop by Blunt Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets for a frank discussion of trading your bad smoking habit for one of casual gambling. Dick's got a blunt with your name on it, located off the lobby. Special discounts for Certified Hustlers!

Juicy Fruit A gay man who has diarrhea -1960s- "So we all headed over to Boston for the weekend for their Bean Festival and then we went to the flicks to see Montgomery Clift get eaten alive by the natives in Suddenly Last Summer, and you might as well have called us a box of juicy fruits. Nobody made it to the last scene."

The soft opening of Nutbush Campground is being conducted by the current class of interns of Loveless Motel Internship Program. Their graduation contingent on successfully completing a group challenge, they're tasked with venturing out onto the nearly complete Nutbush Campground and finding a tent site. They must scout out sites anywhere on the property, vast by any measure, and lay claim to the perfect spot. Several site styles have been constructed, including full hookup, partial hookup, and "rustic" sites which have absolutely no amenities, relying on a camper's skills to survive in the wild (or more likely what they will chose because it's all they can afford). Interns are scouting the "rustic" variety, hiking to a spot and pitching a tent, where-ever. These gents decided on the rock pictured above, agreeing, to a man, that it would provide a nice solid floor and drainage in the event of rain. Never fucking mind that you can't drive a stake into a rock.

Peacock Palace A men's clothing shop specializing in flamboyant styles -1960s- "Have you heard there's a new peacock palace in town that specialized in brocade jock straps? I'm now offiially mad about brocade! You should see the shopkeeper there! He talked me into one last week. I'm gonna go down there and see if I can get him to talk me out of it this week"

You simply cannot go wrong by putting wood paneling in a trailer house. Aluminum City tin cans use only the finest materials, as evidenced by the documentary photograph above. Neighbors seldom have noise complaints because wood absorbs just about every sound you could want it to. Even the oldest guy in the park won't be calling the front desk at Loveless Motel to complain, and if he did, he knows he'll be told that he does not have a contract to stay in the park indefinitely, that he has only been grandfathered in since the sale of the property to Loveless Motel as a courtesy, and that he should mind his manners and keep his door closed, and stop telling the guy who mows his lawn for free to stay off his lawn.

From time to time our office receives complaints after a stay, invariably asking for compensation. This photograph was sent in by an irate guest who says that housekeeping provided his party with an inadequate solution for bathing when, due to plumbing issues during their stay, and overbooking our facilities, the guests were unable to use the communal showers at the Bunkhouse, where they had booked. Offered to upgrade to a motel room at a slight discount, they declined due to their own budget constraints. While it is true that we do provide portable bathing tubs upon request, Loveless Motel as determined that the small vessel in the photo the guest sent is not a tub we would have provided The standard model, The Rub-a-Dub Tub pictured below, is much larger, as anyone can plainly see, and these were available during the guest's stay. Furthermore, there is no notation on the guest file that a request was made for a portable tub. Unfortunately the request for a freebee will be denied, and the guest's profile will be appropriately noted. As a gesture of goodwill, the management will include in its condescending and saccharinely worded "Gotcha" form-letter of regret, a 10 percent off coupon for a bar of soap, with an expiration date of April 1, this year. Of course, guests with complaints should always bring these to the attention of management during a stay, and not after it, but often those things which need not be said do need to be said. Timeliness of complaints is also addressed in the teeny tiny fine print of the lodging contract each guest signs at check-in, however the attention of our guests is generally diverted elsewhere, as Psycho Randy, the front desk clerk is notorious for cruising new arrivals while playing pocketpool in full view of his mark during a guest's check-in process

Wanda Wandwaver A braggart who constantly reminds us of his natural gifts -1960s- "That Wanda Wandwaver goes on and on about the size of his Oscar Meyer - the other day he told me he got on the bus at the pier, and standing, turned to look out a window and stabbed a seated midshipman in the eye with it."

A frequent guest in Room 222, the "Beer Heir" Narcissus Blatz stays with us whenever daddy threatens to take him out of the will. We can't quite say that "Narc", as he is known to his Loveless Motel chums, isn't the one who needles dear old dad by having his picture taken by good old "Snap" Wadmacher from Shutter Bug Camera Shop, because he is. He bundles up a packet of pictures to send back to Milwaukee whenever he stays with us directly, to Daddy Blatz at his brewery office, knowing all his mail is previewed by the supervisor of the mail room. An officious fussbudget named Milburne Milquetoast, the glorified stamp-licker is known to collect porcelain teacups issued for the coronations of British Monarchs. Purportedly, according to Narc, Milburne's favorite photos are ones in which Blatz the younger compares his dick size to a bottle, can or rolling pin - anything that's handy. Dad is jealous - mainly because Narc is fond of Dad's brother, his uncle, who like our picture-boy here is equally well hung and thick, and on more than speaking terms with his nephew. So, it would appear, is Milburne, who spends a lot of time running off to "have a cup of tea" with said uncle.

We regret to inform those of you who've been waiting to check in by our promised 3 PM time, that due to a shortage of staff in housekeeping, as well as training issues, rooms will be assigned upon arrival but actual occupancy of rooms will be delayed until 7 PM today. Existing staff is working feverishly to clear the rooms, but the lack of domestic talent is made obvious by this documentary photo, indicating that when ironing linens, it does help to put the plug into a wall outlet. Inconvenienced guests will receive a 10 percent discount on one meal in any of our restaurants.

Fifi Bag A slit sponge lubricated with vaseline, placed inside a baggie, for fucking, in an emergency (as in a prolonged dry spell) -1960s- "I'm headed out of town into strange territory, and I hope I remember to take my Fifi bag, just in case I strike out at Loveless Motel this weekend" Named in honor of Fifi , the name of every French whore

Busy night last night? Dick on your breath the morning after and you can't find your toothbrush? Call the front desk, young man, and we'll deliver, free of charge on most items such as toothbrushes, and only a slight cost to headache powders and other medicinal over the counter items like Ex Lax, or Pepto Bismol, or douche bags.

Don't be the guy who's embarrassed at the crucial moment when he says "Get those legs up in the air!" Loveless Motel has the solution: let our popular yoga instructor, Mr. Stretch N. Spreadam teach you how to attain the most complicated positions with ease. Meet Stretch on the pool deck every odd calendar day, and in the evenings at Ticklers Lounge where he is a bar back

Bona Dish In the British secret gay language Polari Bona=Good Dish=Ass "Nice Ass" -1960s-

Head over to Hit and Split for this year's edition of Loveless Motel Christmas Cards - a box of 25 is only $1.50! We recommend sending them to the friends of those you are crossing off your list this year due to some minor personal infraction, and signing each one "XOXO - Guess Who!"

Margo Polo Camp designation for any Italian gay man -1960s- "I'll just never understand why that Margo Polo is a bottom. What a waste of 8 inches of Italian sausage!"

Eclair Queen A rich homosexual -1960s- "There goes a real eclair queen. He has his own pool! Can you just imagine the parties?!"

One of our staff members in a recent employee confab recently related how he drinks carrot juice because it sweetens his spunk. Several in the meeting said they could personally attest to this phenomenon, and the result is that The Tubs has added a new health bar called "Juices" - and carrots are definitely menu favorites. Located in the two-level basement of the Bunkhouse, The Tubs features a waterfall, maze, private and public fun rooms, and a mix of men from Townies to military men, truckers, and even staff members taking a break from their normal daily grind. grinding their juices as often as they can. Juices is on the lower level.

Carwash Doing it in a car because neither party has a better place to go for sex -1960s-"Backseat Betty's tricks drive him to an alley three blocks from the bar for a quick carwash, and then comes back to the bar and spends the cash he made on more beer. It's a real racket - wash, rinse, repeat."

Now that you've booked your Christmas Holiday at Aluminum City Trailer Park at Loveless Motel, call and reserve the perfect modern tree for the holidays. You can have the tree waiting and decorated just prior to your arrival, or you can have one of our handymen set it up once you get here. Call now - availability is limited.

Our Footlight Fairies Cabaret inhouse band, The Fab Four, are shown here in a practice session in the sub-basement of the Bunkhouse (also known as The Tubs). These guys can make all the racket they want down there, and have an agreement with the manager to whom they have made a promise that no one will get shocked, with only a slight fear that the humidity from the indoor waterfall might cause an electric shock. The band reports "so far so good" and has gained a number of fans who are regular patrons of The Tubs. "The Fab Four" can be seen every weekend at the Footlight Fairies Cabaret, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel

Gorilla Salad Thick, dark, hairy pubes -1960s- "I like the guy, but ever time we're together, I spend 2 days with a toothpick getting out all that gorilla salad stuck in my teeth"

It's all in the family - these two men hired on for the season and will work at The Stables in trade for room and board. Dad is Calvin, and son Buck are the talk and fantasy of many of the guests. "Do they know this is an all-male resort?" They know.

Playing the Piano Giving someone an oral/anal ass-licking tongue or rim job, probably a reference referencing Rimsky Korsakov piano concertos. 1960s "I sure would like to play a Rimsky Korsakov tune on his piano"

All of our interns must attend a class on their first day at Loveless Motel called Lose Your Inhibitions. Many of the rural guys have never been to a disco, and our city guests insist on our staff being up to date on the latest trends. Loveless Motel is no place for wallflowers. In this case, a Chubby Checker record is selected and a volunteer is asked to shed his outfit in front of the class and demonstrate the Twist in the buff. One by one, the others seem to always join in.

The Hokey Pokey A foursome of fellows staying in one of our Fireplace Suites at Loveless Motel practices their act for the Fall Follies at Footlight Fairies Cabaret. As a point of information, Group act contestants in the Fall Follies are scored on cohesion and the ability to follow simple directions. Your RIGHT foot. It appears our blonde is compliant. Judges are not blonde.