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Shown in this photo at home last year in London, sporting his Mr. Popular Trophy and dressing to the left in his Suit Up! pinstripe number, personally fitted by our very own Mr. Billy Swallows of Suit Up! (located off the lobby at Loveless Motel) are "Dickey Loosedore" and his best mate "Bailey Alanski", the names under which they have checked into rooms 222 and adjoining 221, respectively. Each likes his space - one needs to be prepared for any opportunity to personally welcome any Anglophiles with a craving for fur and the spectacularly uncut. Given notice, the kitchen staff always stocks up on Marmite for the week for the couple, and places a picture of the Queen on the wall of the little alcove in Birdwhistle's Tearoom favored by our guests and held for them for the duration of the stay. Suit Up! has remained our guests' little secret source since Mr. Billy's pre-Loveless Hollywood days, when he was in charge of costuming at a major studio and worked with Mr. Alanski on a number of his roles. Since Billy's relocation to our little "wood", London's Carnaby Street has nothing on Loveless Motel, which swings to the left this week, "like a pendulum do." In Tinsel Town, Billy was famed for his little parties, where select gentlemen were invited to stay overnight; Bailey always reckoned that Billy was a favorite American host, and maintained that he was a master at getting men to shed their inhibitions with the suggestion of a little Greek wrestling; Bailey had been introduced to such exhibitions on more than one occasion. In fact as it turns out, his ability to toss and be tossed around was one factor that bound he and Dickey together for as long as the two tossers could remember

At the request of the chef at Birdwhistle's Tearoom, off-duty Officer Dick and his stalwart buddy Officer Rod have headed over to the nearly ready for occupancy Nutbush Camp Ground on an herb gathering expedition. Chef "Biff" Wellington prides himself on using local ingredients to make tasty fare which Loveless Motel gourmands say has an inexplicably narcotic effect. Trained as a US Marine cook in combat zones necessitating quick preparation and rapid relocation, Biff has a pragmatic philosophy in cooking and in life. Asked recently about the secret to his delicious Oxtail Soup, Chef Biff leaned over the counter, and with a confidential wink said, "Look, between you and me, not much, man. I just use whatever's available. You haven't seen any oxen around here lately, have you? This week, the Oxtail Soup is groundhog. Next week? Who knows! Git 'er done! Ooha! Semper Fi!"

Loveless Motel would like to remind our incoming guests that the local constabulary patrols our parking lots, and will detain anyone who is visibly naked from the vantage point of the frontage road passing Loveless Motel, from sunup to sundown, year round. Please make sure your parking lot cruising takes place after dark and before dawn.

Loveless Motel attracts a lot of cops, eager to make their quota for writing tickets, sometimes for the smallest infraction, even though a good part of the force are evening patrons, especially of Loveless Truck Stop and The Tubs at the bunkhouse. So generally, if you see a uniformed ociffer of the law inside the compound, interaction is generally welcomed, and Officer Dick can be real friendly.

Alice Blue GownA campy term for someone who is a copor is dressed as a cop -1970s- from the title of a 1919 song about the daughter of President Theodore Roosevelt, who was famed for a dress she wore."Gentlemen, be forewarned that we expect a visit this evening from Alice Blue Gown, so we remind you not to be seen touching anyone while there's a pig in the building, and absolutely no dancing"or, conversely, "Oh come here you big burly Alice Blue Gown, search my body cavities, and handcuff me, already!"

Some guests have reported that they have been stopped by a local traffic cop identifying himself as "Officer Dick", who offers to "let it slide" for "a favor". Loveless Motel neither confirms nor denies that the "officer" in question is actually a guest himself. So far, every complaining guest says they complied with the request, were not issued a ticket, and everything came out ok in the end.

At Loveless Motel, our security staff, headed up by Officer Dick, who in his off duty hours watches over our property and guests with a staff of dedicated hands-on assistants, recently caught a local man trying to hot-wire a lodger's car in the parking lot over at Aluminum City. He was able to provide the gentleman with a demonstration of just what happens to those who are incarcerated for felonious actions involving auto theft. We can't confirm that the perp thought it was much of a deterrent, however. Guests of our adjacent trailer lot, Aluminum City, receive all the benefits and the immense talent of our watchful security staff, day and night, all year long.

Meet our weekend security team at Loveless Motel. Left to right, Officer Rod, Officer Dick, and Officer Peter. They're local cops moonlighting for extra cash and a free drink per shift. Don't be afraid to say hello - they won't bite unless you ask. They have been known to toss a few guys into the Hoosegow at the Bunkhouse for crowding around the laundry room. Punishment is stiff at Loveless Motel.