Find all the porn

Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel called a leadership meeting this week to talk about drumming up business in its entertainment category, since lately Footlight Fairies Cabaret has suffered poor attendance due to some issues remaining from the Cat Show debacle. It seems half the drag queens have allergies and the dander remaining especially from the long haired pussies has caused half the chorus and one headliner to be down for the count. Bobbie Frapples, the show's lead, bravely attempted to carry a show on her own recently, but reactively coughed up so much mucous during her first number that she ruined the sequin gown she was wearing; the stage had to be squeegeed, and then and dusted with a non-slip agent (a cannister of Comet ) for the show to continue, causing customers to complain that everything, including cocktails, tasted or smelled like bleach. Not to be deterred, Nic is determined to overcome the slump, and out of their conversations, leadership has come up with an event, and is pondering a Military Ball of sorts. Junior Manager Taylor from Dallas said it best, coughing, grinning and clutching his package, barely contained in his pleated khaki pants, rhetorically asking "Who doesn't like uniform balls?" A swelling contingent of lads from nearby Camp Betsy Ross is sure to be interested, Nic believes, and if timed well, the pageant could coincide with the annual gush of seamen shooting to arrive during Fleet Week. Nic has given the publicity team, under the direction of Callum Z Blabber, the green light to develop advertising for the event. Also on the meeting agenda was an update on the status of the class of interns from Tuba City, Arizona - the group who, though certainly checking the box of "hot" by any measure, turned out to be pretty dim otherwise, as evidenced by their lack of survival skills at Nutbush Campground. Jack Leyendecker, the talent and intern recruiter shouldered the blame, but Nic made light of the situation and complimented him on his overall performance, citing fate and anomaly as the true culprits. The decision had come down to terminating eight intern contracts, and placing them all into the hands of Will U. Bonus as conscriptees until their debt is paid, working off the expense of their training. Uncle Joe pointed out that because of their crazy conspiracy-laden ideas, it would be best to isolate them from guests and the rest of the staff, making sure they are all housed in one dorm at the bunkhouse, or in a trailer (Nic raised his eyebrows at the Aluminum City suggestion, referencing further loss of revenue if they were to take out of inventory a money maker like a trailer). They then settled on a cabin at the campground, and KP duty at the chuck wagon there to keep them occupied. The final solution for the clusterfuck of vapid young Arizona John Birchers will be to deliver them all sooner than later for basic training to the Army Recruiter in town, who along with half of the local draft board, happens to be a regular at the Tubs located in the Bunkhouse at Loveless Motel, and will be a key contact for drumming up interest at Camp Betsy Ross for the upcoming Military Ball.

"Callum, you're such a gossipy boy. Best of luck, Coach Warner", his gym teacher had written in his senior yearbook. Asked what the Z. stood for for recently, he laughed and said it was his father's little joke - it doesn't stand for anything, but Dad thought it made his name sound funny and would get attention. And so it did. It was certainly better than a boy named "Sue". Like the S in Harry S. Truman does. it adds gravitas, hopefully. Or it makes people laugh when the name is called from an attendance sheet on the first day of typing class. The name Callum Z. Blabber stuck and determined his personality and his career, or so he likes to think. Blabbing pays the bills. Or at least gets him a stipend and a free trailer in Aluminum City. And he meets men - all kinds of men, and they talk to him freely. He came to the job as a last resort, answering to an add in a copy of One magazine, "All-Male Resort Needs Typist", after he had been fired for being caught in town carving a glory hole in the men's room of a local department store next to the newspaper office where he was working, when he had had a rough day covering a flower show where he had been turned down trying to proposition a local florist because he smelled of bourbon and smoke. "I don't care if you're hung like a grandfather clock weight. I don't like rummies or smokers." Fair enough. Callum thought the guy had a nice ass, but a bit too-too la-tee-da, and smelled of cheap perfume - "Evening in Paris" to be precise, which he recognized as something his mother had worn. "Old Spice" would have been the only choice, in his book, even for a bottom. In his interview with Nic the Senior Manager of Loveless Motel, after being satisfied with his credentials, Nic asked if he had a boyfriend, and removing the cigarette from his mouth, Callum said that he had; He still carries the picture of the man which was a private joke between them, of Jimmy eating a banana when he came home from work for a quick midweek outing at the lake outside of town. Jimmy was a very agile circus side show contortionist who was gone half of the year, who died during a break at home in a freak accident when he tripped over Callum's typewriter which had been left on the floor of the basement rumpus room. He'd come down to turn off the TV which was announcing the end of the broadcast day, playing the national anthem, followed by the sound of the mono-tonal test pattern siren blaring up through the air vent in the bedroom which was so loud he came dashing down the stairs, annoyed, into the dimly lit room, cursing, tripped, knocked over a bottle of bourbon, and hit his head on the hard corner of the portable TV before he could even turn it off. Callum was passed out on the couch and slept through the entire ordeal, barely enduring the shock of discovery when he groggily came too as the first blast of strong sunlight shot through the little garden level basement window, and once accustomed to the light, Jimmy's limp body appeared in terrible, detailed focus. "Son of a bitch," Nic said, commiserating, his eyes downcast, his head bobbing from side to side as if he were witnessing some invisible tennis match on the floor between his widely spread legs, then lifting his head and smiling warmly at Callum blurted out "You're hired! - do you want a trailer?" All men come to Loveless single. "Fraternization and fucking with staff and guests is fine, but no lovey-dovey crap," Nic maintains. "Leave that for the guests." "Yes, I'll take the job, and the trailer, and please call me Cal." Cal's a bit more careful these days - he's laid off the sauce but can't kick the coffin nails. He fits right in with most of the staff in that respect - half his waking hours are spent with a lung dart between his lips and he's even discovered the joy of the candy cigarettes at Hit and Split, which he uses as breath mints, right before any interview. And he'll stop and nothing, and go absolutely anywhere, to get a good story to inform and remind guests, new and returning, about Loveless Motel. He's eager to hear and tell about the stories that come out of now-open Nutbush Campground.

Yesterday was the big day - Loveless Motel has been working for months creating a campground to expand its spring, summer and fall accommodations and despite a forecast of rain, the big parade started off at the Motorpool, as promised. Hard Tack manager Will U Bonus kilted up to pipe the assembled crowd into the campground, the parade winding down past the Bunkhouse, through the newly constructed archway. On the shores of the campground swimming hole, a lone player answers Will's call. A drum and brass trio escorted a solid line of VW campers through the Nutbush Campground arch, and the day was off to a perfect start.

The soft opening of Nutbush Campground is being conducted by the current class of interns of Loveless Motel Internship Program. Their graduation contingent on successfully completing a group challenge, they're tasked with venturing out onto the nearly complete Nutbush Campground and finding a tent site. They must scout out sites anywhere on the property, vast by any measure, and lay claim to the perfect spot. Several site styles have been constructed, including full hookup, partial hookup, and "rustic" sites which have absolutely no amenities, relying on a camper's skills to survive in the wild (or more likely what they will chose because it's all they can afford). Interns are scouting the "rustic" variety, hiking to a spot and pitching a tent, where-ever. These gents decided on the rock pictured above, agreeing, to a man, that it would provide a nice solid floor and drainage in the event of rain. Never fucking mind that you can't drive a stake into a rock.

One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this: Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing? Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing? Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit! Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area? Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man? Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE! Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this. Agent: Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder? Caller: Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn. Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

Are you a fussy man? Loveless Motel invites you to get your assiduous ass over here, via car, bus, plane, train, bicycle, or banana boat where you can be as fastidious with your fucktool as you want, as long as you eat a good breakfast at one of our fine or fast dining establishments. Call one of our booking agents today, and tell him your looking for a punctilious Pogue with a tight puckerhole who wants to see your big banana and show you how to peel it. And as always, your agent will start the conversation with "Welcome to Loveless Motel - what are you wearing?" Rates may apply. o wants to see your big banana and show you what he can do with it.

Loveless Motel has retained the legal firm, Pounds, Butts, and Bates, LLC, to take action against Uranus Walls, Inc, ("Your solution for an interior that's out of this world"), for the unflattering job they did recently in the reception area of Nic the Senior Manager's new office expansion. Exhibit A, the documentary photograph taken by Shutter Bug Camera Shop photographer Snap Wadmacher of Nic's buddy Irving, who is supervising the landscaping job being completed for the registration area of Nutbush Campground, illustrates Nic's complaint. "It's obvious that whoever put this crap up was drunk. I didn't pay for remnants. Nothing matches, and it looks like it was installed with a welding torch. This all needs to be removed. We need to get someone in here who can demonstrate the meaning of well hung." Barristers Pounds and Butts have suggested a loose compensation arrangement, while Bates offers a completely different solution taking a firm hand and a good grip on the situation, milking it for all it's worth and as a result, Nic has said it he feels like he's getting jerked around and screwed, and says he won't stand for it. Irving just rolled his big brown eyes.

Happy Easter from Loveless Motel!