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453. William Urquhart Bonus - 1st Laird of Loveless
redheaguy51 posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Will, the recently hired manager of Hard Tack General Store and mentor of the work-release program at Loveless Motel was asked by one of his recent charges what the U stood for. He recounted a lengthy story to the intrigued questioner regarding his maternal ancestors who trace their roots back to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness in Scotland, explaining that those who claim great familiarity with the men of the line can attest to what is really meant by the "Loch Ness Monster". Will chortled while his startled inquisitor's gaze moved involuntarily downward. Will U. Bonus (after William the Rough, a 13th century occupant of the castle) claims he has a collection of kilts that he'll probably start wearing in the shop once the summer humidity starts to take hold. On his days off in town, or for his visits to the Hit and Split, or when walking through the lobby he'll need to wear something; otherwise his free time will most likely be spent blending in with guests in and around the Bunkhouse and The Tubs, since fewer clothing is required and fraternization is encouraged by the management. He's a nudist a heart and wears the bare minimum when he must, and nothing at all whenever the surroundings or temperature cooperate. As men with personal monsters are apt to tell you, his has a pet name - "The Laird of Loveless", bestowed upon him by his new associates. And when in his cups, he's known to speak in a deep and affected low brogue whenever it's called to meet the moment. With his head tossed back and sweat on his brow, every mentee under his considerable spell has heard him say, "Ah, that's it, right there, Jamie my Boy with the wee tight hole. The Laird is comin' in. Right there."-
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424. Will U. Bonus joins Loveless Motel Staff
redheaguy51 posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
A frequent guest of Loveless Motel for many years, Mr. Will U. Bonus has agreed to enter into a contractual arrangement with the firm as Manager of Hard Tack General Store, the second hand cowboy and leather boutique adjacent to the Bunkhouse. In his capacity as manager of that facility, he'll also take on the task of wrangling the work-release program, mentoring men who have been contingently released from the Hoosegow in order to repay their debt to Loveless Motel. Will's credentials include nearly making it through Wharton's School of the University of Pennsylvania, and having been the accountant of a moderately sized used furniture store which released him from its staff due to an unjustified accusation of mishandling estate sales, in particular those of elderly widowed men with sizable endowments (in the bank). "I just love the get and give of mentorship," says Will, after a week on the job. The Management of Loveless Motel congratulates Mr. Bonus on his appointment. -
423. Hard Tack General store receives jockstrap consignment
redheaguy51 posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Manager Will U. Bonus "If you plan to shoplift, let us know" Hard Tack General Store at Loveless Motel tells us they have just received a good quantity of freshly laundered jock straps and denim jeans in several sizes. Hard Tack specializes in used cowboy, denim, uniform and leather gear, often left behind by guests, consigned, or purchased in the local town. Our work-release program offers gainful employment to those errant men who have been released from the Hoosegow where they've spent time for breaking the rules of our establishment, and some of the gents acquire a work ethic and personal polish which allows them to graduate into our Certified Hustler program. Stop by Hard Tack General Store for the best in personal service and merchandise selection. Manager Will U. Bonus is eager to personally see to each customer's needs, and guides the progress of his work-release charges with a firm hand.-
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