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Game show host Garry Moore leans toward the man at his desk, his hand cupped over his ear, and says in the direction of the TV camera, "Dr. Long, what is your secret?" Just as he does so, the black and white image starts to tumble, and Nic, Loveless Motel's senior manager, gets up off the couch in his private quarters to adjust the vertical hold. "What a coincidence, gentlemen - I wonder if that Dr. Long is aa jockstrap thief too?" Giving up, he turns the set off. "I guess we'll never know. So what do you think about all this, John?" "So I'm a klepto! But I'm also a good doctor. - just ask Harry!" Harry nods in assent and says the doc has a way with using a rectal thermometer, and prescribing aspirin for just about everything including headaches, the runs, and mood swings. "I don't know whether the aspirin works 100 percent of the time, but he sure sells a shitload of pills in that little tin can dispensary" say Harry. "So here's what I propose. We tell no-one about this", Nic says. "I know a guy who can sell this mail order - once a month, Dr. Longjohn, you box up whatever you're finished sniffing and send it to my pal - he get's his cut, you get yours, and I get 50 percent of what he sends you. You stay employed and out of jail, and we continue to have our guests sign a waiver saying we're not responsible for lost articles, and direct them to Packaged Goods! to buy new jockstraps with a 10 percent off coupon. Everybody wins. That is, except you, Harry. This thing has fallen into your lap, so it's not like you solved some big shit. As far as everybody knows, this is a cold case, and you still need to prove yourself. Now lets play that game of poker. Get Psycho Randy in here...."

On hearing the news that a selection had been made for the new House Detective position, Sheriff Buck N. McBuff, the Hoosegow jailhouse custodian at the Bunkhouse, let management know about his unhappiness, in no uncertain terms. In a confrontation with Senior Manager Nic, holding back tears, Buck exclaimed, "What about my application? Don't I even get feedback?? It shoulda been me! I've given months of my life to this company! I may only have four inches, but it's the best damned four inches in town!" and whipped out his cock right in the office! No stranger to cocks being whipped out in his office, Nic calmly explained that cock size wasn't the ONLY consideration in picking a candidate. He proceeded to comfort Buck in the way he does best, with plenty of good feedback and stuff, and it's all better now.

The front desk reports that it has received several calls this week from guests complaining that they are hearing mysterious clicks on their line whenever they are making in-house calls to other rooms. This phenomenon is preceded by what sounds like a third party breathing heavily, mixed with the sounds of intermittent chirping birds. Loveless Motel management apologizes for any concerns this may cause, and is doing its best to follow up, and reminds guests that it is working toward filling the position of House Detective. In unrelated news, Nutbush Campground is fast becoming a reality, with great strides being made toward its completion, including erecting telephone lines to its public spaces, with testing ongoing to ensure the lines are tied in with the rest of the Loveless property, including the Motel, Aluminum City, The Bunkhouse and Loveless Truck Stop.

Since our recent request for applications to fill an urgent need for a house detective, several interesting candidates have sent in resumes, and a recent trip up into the attic resulted in finding another shoebox full of old pictures including some of our founders, Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle, apparently dressed up for a party or fancy dress affair as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Our search is ongoing, but we share with you some of the more interesting photos we've received, including a few which have taken the moniker "Dick" quite literally, as well as some of those who've said they were less interested in the main job, but were interested in working "under the dick", which we take to mean as an intern. Or not

Recent events have forced the management team to seek the services of an investigative professional. Crime is on the rise at Loveless Motel, as evidenced by this candid shot of a perpetrator fleeing the scene, thought to be a possible jockstrap thief, caught on celluloid by ace Shutter Bug Camera Shop photographer "Snap" Wadmacher, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time (so he says).Therefore, effective immediately we announce we are taking applications to fill the position of a Hotel Dick, to receive a generous compensation package with dental benefits, and a Bank of America Christmas Club account, as well as private living quarters at Aluminum City (if so desired). The successful applicant who declines the living quarters will not be further compensated to offset the cost of seeking accommodations elsewhere. With the sudden uptick of petty crimes being committed against the business and guests, time is of the essence in filling the position. In-person interviews will be conducted after a review of mailed applications. Good luck to all the aspiring Dicks out there!