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536. Mr. Billy Swallows Action Zones and Snack Sacks
CalHowdy posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Mr. Billy Swallows and his assistant Dante' DeWitt have just received a shipment of comfortable "action" slacks in versatile 100% Dacron, which Billy says are "100% divine", at remarkable prices! Their atelier, Suit Up, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, is well stocked and ready for you to come in for a personal fitting. Tape measure in hand, Dante' is always eager to know whether you dress to the right or left, and personally supervises alterations while you wait, time permitting. Stop by and get altered today! Billy and Dante' during a lull in business Dante' DeWitt, standing: "What possibly motivated you to buy two dozen pairs of synthetic stretchy slacks?" Mr. Billy Swallows, seated: "The salesman was all over me and demonstrated his 'action zone', and made me write a check on the spot. Don't worry - it'll bounce, and they'll sell out before we have to worry about it, with this cheap bunch that's been in here lately. Buying absolute bottom of the range, so give 'em what they want!" Dante': "Billy Swallows, you are SO bad...what are you reading?" Billy: "Sports Illustrated, and I'm not reading, just looking at the pictures - love the jockstrap ads; but Sports? - eeeewwww." Dante': "Oh, I know - I got kicked out of gym class for taking too many showers." Billy: "What are you doing, Dante'?" Dante': "Looking at this fucking chipped nail...it keeps getting snagged in my sweater - time to go see Dick Gee at Hair and Now, located off the Lobby. They have a dishy new manicurist. Dick said he does a good toe job." Billy: "Dick got that report from me. Where did you get that wedding ring?" Dante': "I was in town and had to go to the tinkleorium so I went up to the 3rd floor of Macy's, and well you know got hung up giving a blowjob under the stall, and while I was on my back looking up at Mr. Right Now, working his snack sack one ball at a time, he came, while he was jacking his cock, and he spooged on his hand and the ring slipped off his finger, and by the time I realized it had happened he had cum and gone, and there it was on the floor. I didn't get his name. Finders keepers, Billy" Billy: "Nice souvenir - better take it off before someone freaks out." Dante': "Jealous! I've already been propositioned three times today because of it. I just lower my voice and speak in one-syllable-word sentences while I readjust with my ring hand."- 1 comment
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487. Mr. Dick Gee Reveals All and Turns Green
CalHowdy posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Only his hairdresser knows for sure! Dick Gee of Dick Gee's Hair and Now lets more than his hair down, this St. Patrick's day. And in a clusterfuck of old timey green imagery, Loveless Motel suggests what you're looking for, and what's lookin for you when you book with us...more than a handful of good lookin' lads and gents just about everywhere you look... Versus what's lookin' for you when you've booked elsewhere his hairdresser knows for sure! Dick Gee of Dick Gee's Hair and Now lets more than his hair down, this St. Patrick's day. And in a clusterfuck of old timey green imagery, Loveless Motel suggests what you're looking for, and what's lookin for you when you book with us...more than a handful of good lookin' lads and gents just about everywhere you look... Versus what's lookin' for you when you've booked elsewhere -
465. Snap Wadmacher Jackpot - Mr. Dick Gee's Brother
CalHowdy posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Snap Wadmacher - still standing! Mr. Dick Gee, Loveless Motel's resident hair burner, of Mr. Dick Gee's Hair and Now, (located off the lobby) informs us that his brother stayed briefly last week at the invitation of Snap Wadmacher, roving photographer of Shutter Bug Camera Shop. Dick had shared that his brother, Mr. Solo Generosamente, needed two things during his visit: a haircut and a professional photo session to have a series of pictures available for placing an ad in a lonely hearts publication in his home city. The resemblance is uncanny between Dick and his sibling; they certainly have the same hair - and as for other attributes, Dick tells us that his own moniker is a sobriquet - and quite a "handle" it is, so we hear. Snap has loaned a few pics for us to publish, with the permission of Solo, who has also agreed to his insertion into a souvenir calendar at an as yet unannounced date. Solo had remained holed up in his room during his stay, only seeing Dick and Snap, and asked that the calendar not be published until he had left Loveless Motel. Asked why Dick thought Solo even needed to advertise, he said his brother has trouble fitting in and he just wants guys to know what they're in for in advance. In other news, Snap Wadmacher informs us he is taking the week off, and will be recuperating from a recent physically taxing ordeal, while mostly in a standing position.-
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456. Aluminum City Celebrates Chinese New Year!
CalHowdy posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
In honor of Chinese New Year, some of the units in Aluminum City have been upgraded with new red carpeting and a stunning Chinoiserie hand carved rosewood chair with dragon handles; a souvenir teal colored enameled floor ash tray will be offered as a gift to the first 20 lodgers to book the units. These same units have had their wall paneling re-lacquered in a durable lead-based formula and an exciting shade created specifically for Loveless Motel called "Monkey Jungle Taupe." In an alarming effort to offer an experience consistent with the theming of our little Aluminum City hutong, "Forbidden (Fruit) City", an "edict" from Nic, the senior manager will be handed to any qualifying lodgers via an unexpected knock on the unit door, dictating that men staying in these units must either have fully developed facial hair, or be clean shaven - nothing in-between, and therefore will have to have their nascent facial hair forcibly removed in a sudden visit from Dick Gee, our resident stylist and proprietor of Mr. Dick Gee's Hair and Now, located off the lobby. Tickets to these surprise pop-up events can be purchased by interested onlookers at the front desk 30 minutes prior to each "home invasion" with all ticket-holding participant-voyeurs being asked to play the part of "angry villagers"-
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330. New Loveless Venue- Mr. Dick Gee's Hair and Now
CalHowdy posted a blog entry in Loveless Motel Parody backup
Loveless Motel is excited to announce a new addition to our services - Hair and Now, our men's salon, is now open off the lobby, under the expert hands of Hollywood stylist, Mr. Dick Gee, recommended to our operation by his admirer and former associate, Mr. Billy Swallows of Suit Up. His talents, as witnessed above, show one of his client's recent trans-formations which took place right after Mr. Dick spotted him arriving for his first stay during check in, and made him an offer he couldn't refuse, on the spot.-
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