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One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this: Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing? Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing? Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit! Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area? Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man? Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE! Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this. Agent: Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder? Caller: Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn. Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

This guest wanted his accommodations at Loveless Motel equipped with cooking facilities, and has chosen one of our junior suites with a kitchenette. He likes his morning protein, and a couple quickly fried eggs, over easy, please, are just the ticket. Watch out for spatter! Protect you personal huevos with a pair of well filled Y-front briefs from Packaged Goods!, located off the lobby - safety first! And who knows; he may get a double dose of Sunday morning protein after his first Saturday night with us.

Some of our units come with kitchenettes, and cabins come with full kitchens. At Loveless Motel, cabins can be rented by the week or month, and you'll be responsible for your own housekeeping.