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Big Gay Talk: Looking to learn about your coming out experience in a blue collar workspace. I will be the only openly gay man in my large department. Advice


JoelR

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User disassociated249 wants to ask:

I’ve decided that I’ve had enough of being in the closet at work. It’s the only space where I’m not open about this part of who I am. I’ve kept quiet about it for so long because I thought it would keep me safe. Due to being in a blue collar environment in pence country I tend to hear some shit occasionally. But with me still being in the closet I have trouble standing up for myself and people like me and end up internalizing all the hate. It’s not been good to me and is definitely worse than being out and open.

So Ive came to you guys to hear what it’s been like for you. I want o hear about the good and the bad. I understand that I will be seen as a lesser. I understand that I will even be seen as disgusting by some of the men that had previously liked me. It’s ok though because now I can stand up to them. I can be proud and open.

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bakersman94

Posted

when i came out at my work, it was pretty much accepted. i never had any hard times from my co-works. some looked at me differently, and you could see the homophobia in the eyes of a lot of the men, but i was never threatened by them, and i offered nothing to make them feel uncomfortable. most of the people with whom i was friends, both male and female remained as friends, but i could feel they weren't comfortable with the "new" me!! the only friends i had loyalty to were my fellow die cutters. they never looked down on me or judged me in any way. their friendship was steadfast and strong. 

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bakersman94

Posted

i have noticed, that people are becoming more accepting of their gay friends!! being gay is more commonplace these days, in most cases, the friendships have even deepened. 

i think one thing that would help you at your work, Joel!! is to ask any questions some co-workers may have about being gay. i find one answer you can give about being gay is to compare the ways a gay couple and a straight couple are the same. you complain about work, talk about your day, and we love our mates with deep compassion. 

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alanrob07

Posted

People around me would have a field day if I would come out. A lot of them make fun of me now, then if I'd come out it be worse. People are soooo rude to all people nowadays. I should be used to the abuse and not let it bother me but I do. I've always been the uncool one, overweight and short, so easy to pick on.

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metfan

Posted

People are rude nowadays because of the environment and, dare I say it, "leadership" of the last four years.  It will get better, but if you feel threatened, maybe coming out isn't a viable plan.  What we need is leadership that will stress respect for all human beings, and it looks like we'll have that now, but it'll be awhile before peoples' minds begin to shift.

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metfan

Posted

I came out in a totally homophobic environment, I was just tired of people who already thought I was gay thinking they had some deep, dark secret about me.  After confirmation, those who were really my friends stayed that way, the rest were just people I had to work with.  But I found that even those who earlier had poor attitudes soon found out that I was basically a decent guy, and some even sought out my opinions on things, so even that improved.  Now 34 years later, I'm respected as a good worker and am not the only out gay man in the building, so I consider myself a bit of a role model, because I was, if not the first, one of the first to come out and not give a good goddamn about what people thought.

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alanrob07

Posted

2 hours ago, metfan said:

People are rude nowadays because of the environment and, dare I say it, "leadership" of the last four years.  It will get better, but if you feel threatened, maybe coming out isn't a viable plan.  What we need is leadership that will stress respect for all human beings, and it looks like we'll have that now, but it'll be awhile before peoples' minds begin to shift.

It's not just the four years, it's been bad since the 1990's. Wish we could go back to the 70's. People were more friendly, respectable, took care of themselves( I was a kid then, but still was nicer.

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bakersman94

Posted

5 hours ago, alanrob07 said:

People around me would have a field day if I would come out. A lot of them make fun of me now, then if I'd come out it be worse. People are soooo rude to all people nowadays. I should be used to the abuse and not let it bother me but I do. I've always been the uncool one, overweight and short, so easy to pick on.

when you were getting picked on, how old were you at the time, Alan? 

being gay is a lot different than being overweight and/or short. kids can be so cruel, because they don`t know any better!! 

i was picked on a lot when i was in public school. there wasn't a day that went by when i didn`t cry!! i`m talking from my first day at school right up until my last day at school.

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alanrob07

Posted

Just now, bakersman94 said:

when you were getting picked on, how old were you at the time, Alan? 

being gay is a lot different than being overweight and/or short. kids can be so cruel, because they don`t know any better!! 

i was picked on a lot when i was in public school. there wasn't a day that went by when i didn`t cry!! i`m talking from my first day at school right up until my last day at school.

I been picked on and abused since I was in school and still. I never really fit in, always the person people picked on. So, if I came out to everyone, they'd treat me worse.

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bakersman94

Posted

9 hours ago, alanrob07 said:

I been picked on and abused since I was in school and still. I never really fit in, always the person people picked on. So, if I came out to everyone, they'd treat me worse.

i am very sorry to hear, Alan!! i know this can be a sensitive subject, but have you tried losing weight? it may be you're being overweight for reason why you`re getting picked on. being short would accentuate it.

also you could try moving to a new place where no one knows you. a different neighborhood or a different city could make all the difference. you have to get away from the people that know you, and meet new people!! 

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Joel,

I'm wondering: does your workplace have in force an employee's handbook, and if so, does it address issues of discrimination? If so, you might start opening up with your HR department and go from there. 

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alanrob07

Posted

12 hours ago, bakersman94 said:

i am very sorry to hear, Alan!! i know this can be a sensitive subject, but have you tried losing weight? it may be you're being overweight for reason why you`re getting picked on. being short would accentuate it.

also you could try moving to a new place where no one knows you. a different neighborhood or a different city could make all the difference. you have to get away from the people that know you, and meet new people!! 

I loose weight then gain it back. i wish I could move(been a dream of mine for years).

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alanrob07

Posted

Just now, alanrob07 said:

I loose weight then gain it back. i wish I could move(been a dream of mine for years).

Only 40 pounds overweight now, was going good till 2020 arrived.

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bakersman94

Posted

6 minutes ago, alanrob07 said:

Only 40 pounds overweight now, was going good till 2020 arrived.

let me share how i lost 41 pounds in 4 months. i found out i was eating more calories than i was burning. at the time i was eating 4 plates of food a day, as i found out to build muscle you need to eat more food. i spoke with one of my gym`s personal trainers and she told me to drop one plate of food and for my last meal, no carbs. so i ate salad and some meat for my last meal. throughout the entire process, i still snacked on chips, chocolate bars, cookies, and donuts. i only had a handful of chips a day, a few pieces of a milk chocolate chocolate bar, 3 cookies (maple cream filled sandwich cookies), and once a month i`d buy 1/2 a dozen donuts and eat them all in 2 days. 

the trick is to burn more calories than you are eating. i walked everyday and got at least 10,000 steps per day, and i am going to the gym everyday. 

as long as you can keep active at least 2 to 3 hours a day, walking would work, you will lose the weight.

for my meals i`d have about a cup of mashed potatoes, or a cup of rice, or a cup of pasta, with vegetables (no limit on how much veggies you can have with a meal), and a pork chop, or a sausage, or a piece of chicken, or about 2/3`s of a cup of ground beef fried with onions, or a steak.

i can share my recipe for what i called veggie stew, if you are interested that is!!

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