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Big Gay Talk: It isn't an open relationship


JoelR

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User Frosty_bowl_1777 posted:

I hate when my friend is the asshole in his relationship.... because he is going to break up with his husband and I can't say "I never liked him, he was an asshole.".... think of your friends every time you are a jerk to your boyfriend. How can we properly comfort you after you fuck it up, when you were the prick not him.

Here is the situation. My friend is a chronic cheater. He has cheated on every man he has been with so much we told him decades ago he should just be honest and tell his man that he can't be monogamous and only do open relationships.

He has been with his current partner for six years, they are in an "open" relationship that is completely one sided. In other words my friend is a slut and his husband isn't. What recently happened is the super picky husband finally had anonymous sex with a guy that is not my friend and my friend is going psycho. His partner followed all of their required guidelines he was communicative and told my friend everything and it was the required one time only as per their agreement (They can't have sex with a guy more than once... no repeat visits or emotional connections. Just sex.)... my friend doesn't even follow those rules. I really wish my friend was the one in love with the dick... but no... my friend is the dick. My friends husband is a great guy, everybody likes him. If he could get sarcasm and if he had a sense of humor...I would totally dump my friend for him.

One sided open relationships never work... it is not open if he can't have sex outside of the relationship too. You can't do a one sided open or poly relationship... Gays don't do sister husbands... we don't... Gay harems are what anyone else would call an orgy. If you enter into those types of relationships you can NOT demand your partner be monogamous. You threw out the monogamy card and it goes both ways.... he can have sex outside of your relationship also.

Just getting this out of my system before their relationship dies. I should order wireless earbuds... because I don't want to hear it. He fucked up and this time I have to tell him he fucked up.

 

What would you do if you were the friend?  

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bakersman94

Posted

Frosty_bowl_1777, it sounds like you`re being stressed too much by what's going on. i`d suggest finding new friends and leaving those who are driving you crazy to their own vices!! it`s being too hard on you to put up with your friends bad habits and it isn`t good for you!! i say move on and find new friends. i say this as i was that friend at one time, and instead of letting it tear me up, i moved on. with love from Wes!! Hugs!!! 

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capitolhill55

Posted

As half of a couple who have been together for 40-yrs (11 of them legal), we had met through a mutual friend. Though he was in Manhattan and I was in DC. So, a couple of years go by and he decides to come down for a Donna Summer concert (hey, it was 1981). Long story short, lots of weekend trains to and from DC & NYC; six months later he moves to DC and we start our lives together.

The first few years were wonderful, young, career-focused, good friends & post-academic growing up together. I'm not certain when relationships evolve, but they must in order to have room for each to grow and thrive. After a few years of each of us traveling for work, while the other stayed and played. We sat down and discussed the situation and what our options were. Frankly, it was stressing me out. 

The first agree upon fact was we loved each other deeply and apparently we were "monogam-ish". Humph. By this time, we were both in successful careers, lived in a townhouse on Capitol Hill and a place in Rehoboth. Our lives were good, but sexually we had grown apart. Our decision was to be open about playdates, no sneaking around, no dating, if you are meant to be somewhere, then you were there. In other words, we decided to define sex & love as two normal, but mutually exclusive human needs; we were raised to be straight and that didn't work out, so why live with straight guilt.

Over the years, we played together, had FBs, we even dated a couple once, very odd. We never played as a group, it was like we each had  BF. 

Bottom line, if anyone had told me at 24 I have the life experiences I have lived through, I'd told them they must have confused with someone else.

COVID gave us a great excuse to retire early, get the hell out "60 HR work week DC" and move all of 45 miles away to Baltimore into a magnificent neighborhood hidden inside the city. And, the house has every single item on our wish list. Plus, still in love with the guy I've spent more than 2/3 of my life.

Moral: Honest, open communication is the foundation of any successful endeavor. Remember, we're not straight and we were 40 before we realized were both being the people we were raised to be, but we were gay. That's when we started finally to let go of our upbringing and focus more on who we wanted to for ourselves. Not everyone can do what we've done, but I put it out there as an example of how your happiness in life is totally in your own hands. Be creative!

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