PART II: The Induction.
Before we were allowed to progress on the tour, we were told we needed to be inducted. We were shown to a video room and a short Health & Safety video commenced.
In short, it explained the natural order. Explaining that the caveman order was how humans were designed.
The guys go and kill things, find food and fuck each other during the breaks.
Woman stay in the cave, giving birth, feeding, cleaning and raising the children.
So, Heaven is for all the woman folk. The guys come to Hell.
Guys play around. Lights out at 3am. No exceptions.
At approximately 3.15am, the woman arrive and clean, cook and generally do all the work.
It's just the natural order. And you thought this was The Twilight Zone.
The goal was to reset the male every morning, when he wakes up with a stiffy. Programme him each morning into the way things are, the way things are meant to be.
God strolls around Heaven, and as the only male, pretty much gets laid as and when he feels like it. Talk about a dirty old man.
Let's be clear, both God and Old Nick worked on this together. A slow design and planning process, lead to a smooth implementation.
As God likes to quip, "No-one seems to have worked it out. When the snake crawled down that tree and offered Adam & Eve that apple, they spoke English. The snake, naturally spoke Latin. How could they understand each other?"
The snake, in retrospect, was a bit of a clue. That term trouser snake wasn't designed by accident. It's been here on Earth all this time. Take any straight guy. All it takes is three beers and a bit of reassurance..
Anyway, I digress.