Survivor - Sexiest Man

[bakersman94]

3 hours ago, tj10017 said:

On 3/14/2019 at 2:27 AM, bakersman94 said:

i`ll be more than happy to let you guys kick me off the island so Chris can stay!!!

The only way to reverse this decision is to sacrifice a virgin to the island gods. Sorry, @bakersman94, you don't qualify -- not by a long long long long long long long shot!! 😂

you prolly won't believe me, but i am a virgin .... do i need to be naked for the sacrifice, or is there a costume i should wear?

[tj10017]

We must test your assertion first. Please strip to your undergarments and allow us to tie you up and throw you into the river. If you sink, you're telling the truth -- but I strongly suspect that you will float.

Apologies in advance if you inadvertently drown during this crucial experiment, but we can't sacrifice just anybody to the island gods. You understand.

[majikthis]

1 hour ago, tj10017 said:

We must test your assertion first. Please strip to your undergarments and allow us to tie you up and throw you into the river. If you sink, you're telling the truth -- but I strongly suspect that you will float.

Apologies in advance if you inadvertently drown during this crucial experiment, but we can't sacrifice just anybody to the island gods. You understand.

Sorry to disappoint you, but dunking is  a test for witches (the infamous "ordeal by water", a rather popular communal entertainment in the 16th-17th century) - so if Wes floats, that is because he is in cahoots with the Prince of Darkness. Or a Dark Prince?  Hmm ... that would also mean he is not a virgin, as the sabbath where you pledge your  soul to the Devil also involves getting penetrated by Satan's big and hard member and drinking his ice-cold semen. 

[tj10017]

Satan has ice-cold semen -- who knew? His balls must hang down to his ankles, given the environment in which he operates is renowned for its excessive heat and humidity. How does he keep his testicles so cool?

However, I think your illustration needs to be updated. It's my understanding that a key element of Lucifer's job description involves taunting, tormenting and frustrating people -- in which case his penis should be as small as a Vienna sausage and as soft as a soggy sponge. If he is truly as hard and hung as your picture indicates then I demand a sexorcism! 

 

[majikthis]

12 minutes ago, tj10017 said:

Satan has ice-cold semen -- who knew? His balls must hang down to his ankles, given the environment in which he operates is renowned for its excessive heat and humidity. How does he keep his testicles so cool?

However, I think your illustration needs to be updated. It's my understanding that a key element of Lucifer's job description involves taunting, tormenting and frustrating people -- in which case his penis should be as small as a Vienna sausage and as soft as a soggy sponge. If he is truly as hard and hung as your picture indicates then I demand a sexorcism!

Well, the ice-cold semen was verified by a lot of witches enjoying the hospitality of the "Holy" Inquisition. I have no idea how he does it - maybe icepacks?

As to the rest, the Prince of Air is can change his (and his penis') shape at will, so who knows.

[tj10017]

Temperature is not a deal-breaker for me. Cold salty liquids can be quite tasty. I love margaritas.

A shape-shifting penis doesn't put me off either. Why, my own can change from a gumdrop to a slightly larger gumdrop in a matter of minutes. Take that, Beelzebub! 

[majikthis]

1 hour ago, tj10017 said:

Temperature is not a deal-breaker for me. Cold salty liquids can be quite tasty. I love margaritas.

A shape-shifting penis doesn't put me off either. Why, my own can change from a gumdrop to a slightly larger gumdrop in a matter of minutes. Take that, Beelzebub! 

Either way, we can safely assume  Wes is not a suitable sacrifice to appease the island gods. Then again if we dress him up in a white nightshift and adorn him with garlands, we might deceive them. After all, the great (and macho) god Thor himself dressed up as a bride once to fool a horny giant.

Edited March 15, 2019 by majikthis

[JackFTwist]

On 3/14/2019 at 2:14 AM, Sammy said:

Nooooooooo 😱

I was too late to safe that blonde god from getting kicked off our island. 😢

He’s nearly a total 10 to me, maybe 9.75. His beard, his face, his body. 🤤

 

On 3/14/2019 at 2:27 AM, bakersman94 said:

NNNOOOOOOO ... not Chris Hemsworth ... i`ll be more than happy to let you guys kick me off the island so Chris can stay!!!

I add my "Nooooooooo 😱” to this righteous protest.  The man is sex on legs.  (Minus the beard.  I’ve expressed my aversion to facial hair — with a few exceptions — in other topics among this distinguished group motley crew.)  This brings up the need for some kind of reprieve, or whatever they call them on “Big Brother,” et al., based on popularity with the other participants.

(And I promise, promise, promise, not to plead a case for saving Tom Cruise!  I’m sure he’ll understand.)

If nothing else, Hemsworth should remain based on his “Saturday Night Live” appearances.  This mock American Express-style commercial is a classic.  (“They said my penis was too large….”?  Uh, I’ll be the judge of that!)

 

 

Edited March 16, 2019 by JackFTwist

[tj10017]

I suppose as the originator of this thread I have the power to intercede on behalf of the condemned. Chris Hemsworth stays. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to turn my attention to another unruly crowd that's demanding Barrabas ... Think I'd better wash my hands first.

[mitchora]

Would like to have this Virgin for just a few minutes.  Prior to this Virgin being released into the wild.  'specially

if he's wearing a Black Jock Strap.

[mitchora]

What if I vote Channing Tatum OFF the island -

in order to help "rehab" Channing in my hood/place.

"Explain" what Channing has to DO next time. (in the only language I speak - French)

In order to STAY on TJ's island.

what if I further REPLACE Channing (at my own expense)

with Victor Rios.

.

[mitchora]

What if I vote Channing Tatum OFF the island -

in order to help "rehab" Channing in my hood/place.

"Explain" what Channing has to DO next time. (in the only language I speak - French)

In order to STAY on TJ's island.

what if I further REPLACE Channing (at my own expense)

with Victor Rios.

.

[JackFTwist]

16 minutes ago, mitchora said:

What if I vote Channing Tatum OFF the island

I agree.  He's long past his sell-by date, compared to most of the rest of the current survivors.

[bakersman94]

23 minutes ago, JackFTwist said:

41 minutes ago, mitchora said:

What if I vote Channing Tatum OFF the island

I agree.  He's long past his sell-by date, compared to most of the rest of the current survivors.

i totally agree with your assessment .... Channing Tatum is just another pretty face. 

[majikthis]

20 minutes ago, JackFTwist said:

I agree.  He's long past his sell-by date, compared to most of the rest of the current survivors.

If you don't want Mr Tatum, can I take him home, please? He'd make a rather comfy bed warmer.

PS. I am glad the powers that be (tj10017) allowed Chris to stay. With or without beard. Oh, and that SNL spot was hilarious

[tj10017]

Another update. Here's who's left:

Ben Affleck

George Clooney

Sean Connery

Idris Elba

Harrison Ford

Harry Hamlin

Mark Harmon

* Chris Hemsworth * (has diplomatic immunity; cannot be removed)

Hugh Jackman

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

John F Kennedy Jr

Jude Law

Nick Nolte

Brad Pitt

Ryan Reynolds

Patrick Swayze

Denzel Washington

[tj10017]

My third strike goes to Patrick Swayze. He's outta there!

[bakersman94]

3 hours ago, tj10017 said:

My third strike goes to Patrick Swayze. He's outta there!

i am so with you, tj!!

[majikthis]

10 hours ago, tj10017 said:

My third strike goes to Patrick Swayze. He's outta there!

Yes, please. Just dump him in a lifeboat and entrust him to the mercy of the ocean. The island gods will surely be pleased.

[Sammy]

12 hours ago, tj10017 said:

* Chris Hemsworth * (has diplomatic immunity; cannot be removed)

Don’t we have a winner by definition then as he can’t be removed and will be the last man standing? 😂

[tj10017]

1 hour ago, Sammy said:

Don’t we have a winner by definition then as he can’t be removed and will be the last man standing? 😂

That's an excellent point, Sammy. The crowd has spoken and Chris Hemsworth is the last man standing.

All the others might as well climb aboard JFK Jr's plane and -- 

Uh-oh. Didn't see that coming.

[bakersman94]

YES!!!! thank you to all that supported me in wanting to keep Chris Hemsworth!! G U L P!!! S W O O N!!! S I G H!!! 

[JackFTwist]

6 hours ago, tj10017 said:

That's an excellent point, Sammy. The crowd has spoken and Chris Hemsworth is the last man standing.

All the others might as well climb aboard JFK Jr's plane and -- 

Uh-oh. Didn't see that coming.

As one of those who pleaded shamelessly for keeping “Thor” on the island, are we really ready to declare him the winner.  Not that I’d mind, but the competition is getting pretty stiff.  Other members may have equally strong feelings about them.  On the TV reality shows, the immunity awards are usually only for a week, so maybe we should follow the precedent of having some limit.  For example, he could be protected until we’re down to the last dozen, half-dozen, etc., survivors.

But now that you mention JFK Jr….

[majikthis]

6 hours ago, tj10017 said:

That's an excellent point, Sammy. The crowd has spoken and Chris Hemsworth is the last man standing.

All the others might as well climb aboard JFK Jr's plane and -- 

Uh-oh. Didn't see that coming.

Oh? Then I'm calling dibs on Idris Elba!  And I have to buy a bigger bed now that I'm hosting both Mr Tatum and Mr Elba.

[JackFTwist]

11 hours ago, majikthis said:

[Re: Patrick Swayze]  Yes, please. Just dump him in a lifeboat and entrust him to the mercy of the ocean. The island gods will surely be pleased.

Although I was quite fond of Swayze, I agree that it’s time for him to go, given the overall quality of the remaining competition.  

But please, boys, speak no ill of the dead, and all that.  Let’s show a little respect for the dearly departed (2009).  Swayze will always have a special place in my heart for his performance as Miss Vida Boheme in To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar (1995).  (“Think of it as ‘Easy Rider’ in dresses.”) 

I nominate Harry Hamlin for exile from the island.  (He’s definitely hot, but I'm surprised that he even made People’s list.)