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Giving Thanks


Kawika

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I was putting the finishing touches on this and published it on Blogger before I went to Hawaii....

 

Time as they say flies... this is the blog that I had planned to submit in November in time for Thanksgiving... and I just got caught up in so many things up to and including the holiday season... I know I promised to post this in February... and again like sand through the hour glass it got away from me again... I check fairly often the stats on this blog to see if anyone is actually reading and it turns out you are... and I recently (last Wednesday) got an e-mail asking if I had given up writing the blog... Believe me the day I decide to stop and I publish the last entry here you will know... but the e-mail did give me some hope that there is still interest in my musings.

Every year around this time I always say to whoever is around to listen... If you want to have an intelligent opinion on The Academy Awards you need to see everything that's been nominated, not just the actors and stories you most want to see... Again this year I feel like I have been doing little else except watching movies... but last weekend I finished watching everything on the ballot this year...  If you have not had a chance to see anything there are some good movies and great performances this year!

 

 

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 It got me to thinking that the basic principle of being as informed as possible applies to almost everything in life as well... but it's a blessing and a curse... I remember someone saying to me at the start of Flight Attendant training one day... "The sooner you realize and accept that most people are boing, stupid and inconsiderate and that the passengers on this airline are no exception the happier you will be!" ... that was quite a lot for me to consider at a young age because I had always tried to look for the best in everyone... but the sooner I accepted it the happier I became... because you can put up a barrier so to speak and distance yourself from the boring, stupid and inconsiderate people if even just the duration of a flight from Los Angeles to Honolulu... not that simple on a daily basis... so that brings me to this...

 

I said perviously that I have never seen the world where so many people are as angry as they are now... and part of it is coming out of the two years dealing with the ramifications on our lives from covid-19 and all the things that each and every one of us has to deal with whether it's health or other difficult life issues... but I think most of it stems from the fact that the political leaders and basically anyone in any position of power and authority have their heads up their ass... and are trying to normalize stupid and inconsiderate and have introduced  greed and malice into the recipe.... I have a long list of favorite things and people and places that I love... I have a relatively short list of things I hate...

 

  • Stupidity
  • Cruelty 
  • Greed
  • Malice
  • Deliberate lies 
  • Kale
I feel like Donald Trump and his administration opened the Pandora's box on this...it's not that we have not had to deal with lies, stupidity, corruption and crooked politicians in the past but he took it to a whole new level of horrible and evil...  I've had issues with politics that go back to Joseph McCarthy, Nixon, Reagan and the Busch's... to tell you the truth I had issues with the Clinton's and Mr. Obama but not to the extent that we have to deal with now! The problem today is it seems to be being normalized by some news and information outlets and accepted by too many people and we forced to deal with it and them on an ongoing daily basis and ... where  we are today is a planet of angry, frustrated people... I'm not going to make this about politics and  the precarious state of democracy in the US and the state of the world right now... but instead what we can do for ourselves to make our own life and individual world an easier place to live until this can get sorted out... if it even can.
 
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It's Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World... so where to we start?... I think we have to go back and get in touch with the most private and inner core of our being and of what makes up happy and what we need to avoid...Most of the photographs of my childhood and early life no longer exists and I was somewhat sad about it until someone explained to me that most of the evidence of our childhood and life is stored in the taste of certain foods and how the sky is lighted in our memory during different periods of our life... I think HG Wells said it best in The Time Machine...
 
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Revisiting the textures and colors of what was the fabric of our life is an important part of the journey forward... and of the many corridors we have walked... revisiting some of this with the consideration that during our travels down the many roads we sometimes found places we have never been before and yet we had the feeling of belonging... Finding some of these types of places again I think is the best the place to focus our attention right now... In the travels down those corridors and roads... many people and circumstances broke my heart... but fixed my vision about who I am and where I wanted to go and where I still want to go...When you are young and not sure where you want to go it does not matter as much which turn you make on the road... and I think we are told when we get older we can't deviate from the map... I think sometimes it's important to take a different path... I've sometimes learned some of the best things and met some of the more interesting people from a wrong turn... I've also had the unfortunate experience of meeting some of the worst people and having some of the most dismal experiences... but you can't have one without the other you simply have to learn how to walk away from the worst people and dire situations... and in doing so you learn to appreciate the importance of harsh honesty versus sugar coated bullshit.
 
With that I'm going to tell you some of the things I have had to do for my own peace of mind and happiness... that was not always an easy or comfortable path... As I said earlier I have always tried to see the best in other people... unfortunately they did not always reciprocate, put quite simply I  sometimes put a great deal of effort to tiptoe around other peoples feelings and they brazenly tap danced across mine... so as nice and generous and forgiving as I used to be... if you cross the line too many times disrespecting me or lying or using me, putting me down or trying to drag me down to your level... all that niceness, generosity and compassion  changes in a heartbeat and I will never have anything to do with you again... people have actually told me I have to get over the shit they said and did... sorry the disrespect and the toxicity that come with it has no expiration date with me. I'm not going to dwell on it... I'm just done with you and the circumstances and I'm walking away for the sake of my mental health... this is right at the top of the "Life Is Too Short" list... That's how I get over it...  by never giving you another chance when you've already in some cases been given too many second, third and fourth chances. It took me a long time to come to... Stop being so forgiving of other people all the time... they knew exactly what they were saying and doing.... So there you have it one of the hardest things I had to learn... There is enough difficulty in dealing with everything that life sometimes throws at you that you have to learn to navigate what you need to do for you... The second hardest thing I had to learn was that no one is going to save you... You have to work and create the life you want... "If you don't like where you live you have to move...If you are bored with your clothes and image... get a new look...If you have a toxic relationship...move on... if you want to be better you have to do better. Life is too short to accept mediocrity in any area of your life. In the midst of some of my darkest hours I started believing and focusing on one simple thing... "Nothing is too good for me!" 
 
If I had anything at all to say to all the people I've cut out of my life is that ... "I walked away from you because you were so busy finding faults in me while I was busy overlooking yours." I realized finally that at my absolute best with my A-Game I'm not going to fit in or be good enough with the wrong people and situations... and at my absolute worst I'll be revered and cherished  because I'm worth it by the right people.
It's so much easier to be alone than surrounded by the wrong people. From the day we are born all of us are living on borrowed time... and all of us walk in rented shoes. Everyone will age... but not everyone will mature until we finally fade away... it's best to do that having lived, laughed and loved to the fullest.
 
So with all this I don't want you to think that I still don't try to find the best in people... but it's the people who are not stupid, boring, self-absorbed or mean... by weeding out those people it's easy to focus on the few good people who are part of the most elite coveted club in the world... "my real friends"... and as good as the future memories we are building... people change as sure as the season and I want to  document as much as can this time around with photos.
 
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I think we all lost a lot from 2017 to 2021 and in this in-between  recovery year... speaking for myself I found some lost and forgotten wishes and dreams.... it seems impossible sometimes to even try to make up for the loss of life of a handful of friends and loved ones...someone said to me a long, long time ago when I could barely get out of bed from grief..."Every time you lose something someone or something will find you... and when you find something new you will lose something in the transition" ... A big step for me this year is that I'm not starting the days hoping for an obituary on the front page of the newspaper anymore I'm starting thinking about how I can make a difference for my world and what if anything  it can contribute to the people who matter to me ... and I go to sleep I  consider that some of the best days of our lives still have not happened yet... I like to remember people and places when they were at their best... but it's important to see them as they are now too. If you take anything away from this I hope that it's this quote from "Midnight In Paris"
 

NOSTALGIA IS DENIAL - DENIAL OF THE PAINFUL PRESENT. THE NAME FOR THIS DENIAL IS ‘GOLDEN AGE THINKING’, THE ERRONEOUS NOTION THAT A DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD IS BETTER THAN THE ONE ONE IS LIVING IN. IT’S A FLAW IN THE ROMANTIC IMAGINATION OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO FIND IT DIFFICULT TO COPE WITH THE PRESENT.

 
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You can revere  the past and learn from it... but don't try to go back and move in... short visits are best... and by doing so you have a chance to accept what the hands of time have given you or rebuilding something new...during all this down time my life actually became richer and more interesting...because I know that if you want your life overflowing with music, laughter, art, intrigue and romance you simply have to surround yourself with those things...Books helped a lot!
 
Something I say every day now is "No matter what the circumstances are today... tomorrow could be the day you have been waiting for."
 
So since I did not publish this in November as I planned I would still like leave you with something... write down a few things you are thankful for.... The top of my list is that beautiful things started happening when I distanced myself from negativity... and toward the bottom of the list is...I got a free turkey from my supermarket in November but I had already ordered our Thanksgiving turkey the week before... well it's in the freezer and we are having it for Easter or Passover... haven't decided yet... but this list mostly consists of being so thankful for the people in my life of quality and character that truly matter.
 
Bette Davis once said in an interview... "Hell is lowering your standards and getting comfortable with it"... I think that is where a lot of the anger and frustration is coming from in the world now... too many people are trying to lower the standards of life and expect everyone to  just accept it...
 
Oh and one more thing... I'm thankful to be here to be thankful... a lot of people didn't make it... and more won't be here tomorrow.
 
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I hope this helped... if not.. start here...
 
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See you next month! Thanks for reading!

Edited by Kawika

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bakersman94

Posted

thank you, Kawika! i have found myself in some of the same situations myself. getting away from negative people and surrounding myself with people that support me as i support them were some of the best things i've ever done for myself!! with love from Wes!! Hugs!!! 

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