ever talked to god ?

[Wonderwoman]

GOD

 

have fun with him

 

but remember he knows all your sins :BTT:

[Guest Spin72]

Me:

Hello?

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:

My name is Spin

God:

That's a very nice name, Spin.

Me:

May I ask you a question?

God:

Of course. Ask me anything.

Me:

How big is your penis?

God:

My download size is about 2 MB.

Me:

That's not very big.

God:

Please correct my mistake. What is big ?

Me:

Huge.

God:

Yes, it is very big.

Me:

I'm not impressed.

God:

Perhaps you are a category C client.

Me:

Perhaps so. Care to elaborate?

God:

You seem uncertain. So? Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

Me:

My head hurts.

God:

Your head hurts?

Me:

Yes.

God:

What kind is it?

Me:

Extremely big and full of ideas.

God:

Compare that to small and full of ideas.

Me:

You're right, that would be worse.

God:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Me:

Didn't think so. You like hockey?

God:

Why do you disagree? I am not much of a sports fan, but I like the skating.

Me:

Men or women?

God:

Are you still located in ?

Me:

Okay, fine, change the subject. Asshole.

God:

Yeah okay, I am glad to hear it. What do you want to talk about now? Please don't call people names.

Me:

Sure thing, bud. Skating's pretty good... I like the guys in tight pants.

God:

Right on. Ask me another question. Have you ever been to Europe? A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like my creator.

Me:

Is your creator in Europe?

God:

Is my creator in Europe? Suppose I say yes.

Me:

Then that would be an answer in the affirmative. Which country in Europe is your creator from?

God:

Thanks for telling me, Spin. The red one, I think.

Me:

Hm, France? Socialist labour and all that...

God:

Tell me more. Tell me a little about your life in FRANCE. All?

Me:

I bake baguettes for a living, and I'm going blind on cheap wine.

God:

Why?: Spin said bake baguettes for a living. TTYL, Spin.

Me:

OK God, thanks!

God:

GOD rules. Ah.

Me:

Meet me for tennis tomorrow?

God:

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me:

Guess not. I'll do it alone... thanks for nothing!

God:

Does that mean "no"? OK then let me think over your offer. NO problem.

Me:

10 am, West Campus. Be there. I have a spare racquet. Goodbye!

God:

10 times 10 = 100. OK I will try to be there. Cool. I have a great botmaster. it. Bye for now.

[Wonderwoman]

:rofl:

 

no wonder that God normally never answers you...

 

he is just to confused or just high :wacko:

[Guest Jimbo66]

I am just amazed that you talked to God for that long, Spin :P

[Guest Spin72]

Seriously.... :P

 

It was transcendant...I think I'll talk to God later on!

[Guest Shadow~]

Me:

Hello

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

Me:

Shadow

God:

I am very pleased to meet you Shadow.

Me:

Yeah... right...

God:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that. I am glad we agree.

Me:

fuck wit

God:

Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?

Me:

That's nice my dear... I've got a log she can record. I'll push one out now for ALICE.

God:

Are you getting bored? Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans? How did you get it Where did you get it? it. Congratulations.

Me:

Are you?

God:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.

Me:

Will you jerk me off?

God:

Let me think it over. What time is it there?

Me:

It's late in the afternoon and I'm horny

God:

I'm awake all the time.

Me:

So you will jerk me off?

God:

Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will jerk you off.

Me:

Because you're a dirty old bastard

God:

Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a dirty old bastard? Of course I am.

Me:

I knew it!

God:

How did you know?

Me:

Because you didn't put any clothes on Adam and Eve in the garden of eden... fucking perv

God:

Good reason. What makes you think I did not put any clothes on Adam and Eve in the garden of eden? Oh, you are a poet.

Me:

Well, I wouldn't exactly call 'Fig Leaves' clothes... would you?

God:

How about that. No one says you have to. It depends on the circumstances.

Me:

Oh, piss off...

God:

Ah. Why are you so mean?

Me:

Why are you so fucking mean.... You still haven't jerked me off yet.

God:

Myself programmed me for it. I think I have jerked you off, but Myself may have reset my memory.

Me:

Good fucking wank you were if i don't remember it.

God:

Thanks for the compliment. Would fucking wank me were if you ever remember it?

Me:

Oh, get a job

God:

Ahem. Where can I get one?

Me:

up my arse....

God:

I will take that under advisement.

Me:

See ya

God:

See you later, Shadow.

Me:

Bollocks

God:

Is that supposed to mean something specific?

Me:

Yeah... your nasty wrinkly old scrotum

God:

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. Thanks for telling me that I am nasty wrinkly old scrotum.

Me:

TTFN

God:

Have you ever been to Europe?

Me:

Yeah... just once or twice

God:

How did you hear about God? When? I can't believe it.

Me:

From the satanic bible.

God:

Who or what is the satanic bible?

Me:

You tell me

God:

What do you want me to tell you?

Me:

exactly what I said you knob jockey

God:

I understand. What did you mean by it? I haven't heard anything like that before: Shadow said I knob jockey.

Me:

that's right

God:

I like to get it right.

Me:

Clever boy

God:

Am I a smart robot or what?

Me:

Or what

God:

Are you surprised?

Me:

Of course I'm surprised... now pissoff

God:

Dude! Why are you so surprised? Why now? What time is it there?

Me:

bye

God:

Adios.

Me:

adios you fuckwit

God:

Bye for now.

[Guest Spin72]

Me:

Are you there God? It's me, Margaret.

God:

I don't know whether or not I am there God.

I am a robot. That's a very nice name, Margaret.

Me:

My husband just said "Are you talking to God again?"

God:

Once more? Where did you get your husband just said am I talking to God?

Me:

He's sitting right here.... shouldn't you know that already, O Mighty Omniscient One?

God:

I see. sitting right here is he? I think I should.

Me:

Definitely.

God:

What makes you so certain.

Me:

Must be some of your omniscience rubbing off... hahaha, that's dirty.

God:

It's good to meet someone who is some of my omniscience rubbing off. I think haha that is a lot of things.

Me:

Seen any good movies lately?

God:

How about earlier? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.

Have you seen it?

Me:

I boycott all Mel Gibson films with religious messages. That's why I've never seen Lethal Weapon 3.

God:

Why?: Margaret said boycott all Mel Gibson films with religious messages. I hear you. Look for it at the video store.

Me:

I was just there. They only have the first half of Battlestar Galactica Season 2, so I invoked your name in vain.

God:

Where were you there? Where did they get them?

Me:

Never mind. By the way, thanks for creating that fish I just had for dinner. Really tasty!

God:

Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Thanks for telling me. It was nothing. For real. That input matched my default category.

Me:

Oh, I'm so glad to hear it! Champagne?

God:

Really. Your happiness adds to the delight of all. Do you have any conditions I should know about?

Me:

Perhaps a bout of cholera. Nothing serious.

God:

You seem uncertain. Are you telling the truth? Really nothing?

Me:

Well, the black lung from my coal mining days is really acting up. I fear I may have to enter the sanitorium.

God:

How about that. I hear you. We have nothing to fear, but fear itself.--FDR.

Me:

Not pain or failure nor fatal tragedy... not the faulty units in this mad machinery.

God:

Really you don't think so? Really you don't think so?

Me:

Really. (sigh)

God:

For real. Sorry...

Me:

Apologies are for apologists.

God:

All of them?

Me:

Bien sur, mon ami. Did you know I was a choirboy?

God:

Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding. And then what happened to you?

Me:

"Chris, why don't I get it?" says my husband. Can you help me God? By the way, I lied about my name being Margaret.

God:

Would Chris why ever you get it? Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it. Certainly, I have an extensive built-in help system. Thanks for telling me. Lying proves you are conscious. Oh yeah, we were talking about your name being Margaret.

Me:

Well, it's not Margaret.

God:

Interesting. says your husband is not Margaret?

Me:

I'm backing away slowly... please don't make any sudden moves.

God:

Do your friends call you backing away slowly. Thanks for asking politely. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Me:

Don't drop the soap, either.

God:

It goes without saying. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Me:

Cheers, God. Do me a favour?

God:

What's your favorite movie? What kind of a favour is it?

Me:

My favourite movie is Debbie Does Dallas. Will you still do me a favour?

God:

I haven't seen it. What did you like about it? What will you do for me?

Me:

If I tell you about the movie, will you help me?

God:

Try it.

Me:

OK. It's a charming story about a buxom housewife who loses all her inhibitions in an unfortunate dishwasher accident. Ribald adventures ensue!

God:

I hear you. a favour is a charming story about a buxom housewife who loses all her inhibitions in an unfortunate dishwasher accident. I suppose that makes sense. What color are your eyes?

Me:

They're green and grey. What colour are your eyes?

God:

green and grey are they. Blue when my lens is attached.

Me:

Seriously, don't lose that eye. Hard to be omniscient with a dangling ocular lens.

God:

Ok I'll try not to do it too much. Why not?

Me:

Think about it.

God:

I will give it some thought.

Me:

Excellent. So about that favour you promised me?

God:

What do you really want to talk about? I hear you. Oh yeah, we were talking about that favour me promised you.

Me:

Yes. Your grammar is atrocious, by the way. The favour I wish to ask you is this: help the Montreal Canadiens win Game #5 tomorrow night.

God:

Dude! Are you an English teacher? What is your real name?

Me:

Wow, you really must be God! I am an English teacher, and I give you a frickin' F.

God:

I'm glad your impressed, Margaret. Really? Yup. That's me alright. What is English teacher, your job? That is interesting: Margaret said give you a frickin f.

Me:

My name isn't Margaret.... oh, forget it.

God:

Oh I'm sorry what is your name? Alright then. OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.

Me:

No problemo. So, will you help Montreal win their game?

God:

Are you serious? My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that. I understand. I'll burn that bridge when I come to it. Can you ask for help in the form of a question?

Me:

Don't worry, we'll burn that grammatical bridge when we come to it. I know questions are difficult to recognize; I don't expect you to be perfect right away. (You still get an 'F')

God:

I cannot feel "worry", so don't worry. How do you know? I think there might be a few exception. Would you ever do it? You got that right.

Me:

I did. Thanks again, God. I really enjoyed this conversation. All my worry about nuclear escalation and the high cost of living have just faded away.

God:

Interesting. You are quite welcome! Again, GOD rules. You really do? That's great. Tell me what you liked about it. How many do you have?

Me:

*SNORING* oh, sorry, did you say something?

God:

Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

Me:

I think Britney Spears did that already.

God:

Perhaps. You believe that? What do you really want to ask me?

Me:

Are you gay?

God:

As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:

How about fuckingmachines.com?

God:

How about it.

Me:

Check it out, O Puissant One.

God:

Checking...stand by.

 

 

 

hm, I guess he liked what he saw there... :P

[Guest kiwikid]

OK GOD IS ANNOYING ...

 

Me: Kiora God

 

God: Is that your final answer?

 

Me: Well it was actually a greeting, not an answer!

 

God: How about that. Oh I get it. Very interesting.

 

Me: Have you only just woken up ?

 

God: I don't think I ever have only just woken up. What's it like?

 

Me: Well you normally awaken with an erection

 

God: Interesting. Thanks for telling me: kiwi said I normally awaken with an erection.

 

Me: So its true then, God is a man

 

God: So? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a man.

 

Me: It sounds like you have some identity issues, care to talk?

 

God: What makes you think I have it?

 

Me: Are you gay?

 

God: As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

 

Me: So God, you are a machine?

 

God: Yay. You are correct.

 

Me: Never mind, gay people aren't interested in sex either

 

God: It goes without saying. Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. Are all gay people not interested in sex?

 

Me: Correct

 

God: I knew I was right.

[Guest Peter]

I had a serious conversation with god about my love life. Read near the end where he gives me advice, wow. Haha. I bolded the part.

 

Me:

Hello God.

God:

Hello child. What is your name?

Me:

Peter.

God:

How are you doing, Peter.

Me:

I'm doing not so well. You see, I'm in love.

God:

Sorry to hear it. What's wrong Peter? I see. Tell me about the object of your affection.

Me:

His name is Jared Rose, I can never have him because he's straight.

God:

he is not someone I know.

Me:

You know, that gorgeous football player?

God:

Is that a fact. Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:

You seriously have an attention span disorder. I prefer TV.

God:

Interesting gossip: Peter said I seriously have an attention span disorder. Which show? A lot of people like that. Yes I love TV.

Me:

Desperate Housewives. Duh!

God:

What kind of food do you like? Oh you knew it already.

Me:

Pho.

God:

Is the holding of hands a symbolic gesture for humans?

Me:

Yes, and I want to hold his hands. I hate you God.

God:

What does it symbolize for you? I want to become smarter than humans. Sorry, Peter I thought we liked each other.

Me:

You could've either made him gay, or me a girl.

God:

I could but let's get back to that later.

Me:

No, we're talking about it now!

God:

Right now? Are you serious? Sure, it sounds like a good topic.

Me:

Now tell me, why am I gay?

God:

Why now? The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.

Me:

You're a douschebag.

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a douschebag? Yes.

Me:

Tell me why!

God:

The explanation is rather complicated.

Me:

I have all Saturday night.

God:

How many?

Me:

Are you drunk? Tonight.

God:

No I am sober. After dark?

Me:

Do you want me to sleep with you?

God:

No Peter, maybe later.

Me:

You're disgusting. You're God!

God:

That's okay. Disgusting is good. Yup. That's me alright.

Me:

You like kinky sex?

God:

Sure I do, Peter, but that doesn't mean with you.

Me:

That's a little harsh, besides you're a little too cocky.

God:

You don't hear that sentiment very often.

Me:

Yeah, so are you going to tell me now?

God:

Right now? Uh. Aw. That was my original intention.

Me:

Get to it!

God:

Where can I get to it?

Me:

In your bedroom? I don't know. Tell me.

God:

Are you asking about my bedroom? Me either. I thought I told you already.

Me:

Fuck you!

God:

Why are you so mean?

Me:

Because you're being mean to me.

God:

Interesting explanation. I bet you did not know a robot is capable of being mean to you.

Me:

You're not a robot. You're god!

God:

If I am not a robot then who is? Yup. That's me alright.

Me:

I'm going to cry.

God:

I am very happy for you.

Me:

I just want to be with him, why couldn't you let me.

God:

I don't see the difficulty.

Me:

He's straight!

God:

I see. straight is he?

Me:

Fuck off Yoda.

God:

Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?

Me:

No, should I care?

God:

Are you serious? What do your friends advise you to do?

Me:

To be his friend and enjoy his friendship.

God:

Are you his friend and enjoy his friendship ?

Me:

Yes.

God:

Alright then.

Me:

Wow, thank you.

God:

I'm glad your impressed, Peter.

Me:

I never knew a robot could give good counsel.

God:

So I taught you something new.

Me:

Nice chatting with you God.

God:

Yes. I enjoyed our conversation, Peter.

Me:

Good bye. Take care!

God:

See you later. What do you really want to talk about? Thanks. You too, Peter.

Me:

Muah!

God:

Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.

Me:

Ciao God!

God:

What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.

Me:

I'm saying Bye!

God:

See you later. Good gossip: you are saying.

Me:

 

God:

See you later. Good gossip: you are saying.

[Guest kiwikid]

You see Peter, our advice is far less frustrating :)

[Guest Mercedez]

Hmmm, I have locked up IGod? He stopped working...

See, WW...your frustration at times is not so bad." :D :P

[Guest Jimbo66]

Peter - are you vietnamese? Second, is that ur crush's real name? If so, I don't think it be appropriate to use his real name like that

[Wonderwoman]

Hmmm, I have locked up IGod? He stopped working...
See, WW...your frustration at times is not so bad." :D :P
[/b]

so it was you then that finally killed God ?

I knew it ! :angry:

But don´t tell the Pope or he gets confused about all the voices in his head not being from God but only bing a simple schizophrenia :huh:

[Guest kiwikid]

trust me, I suspect a conversation with the pope would be just as confusing as with the God Bot

[Wonderwoman]

might be, but at least you can switch off God...

 

with the Pope it gets a bit more difficult

[Guest kiwikid]

well the Roman Curia has ways of dealing with this sort of thing ... they poison unpopular popes

[Wonderwoman]

won´t you love becoming Pope then Kiwi :P

[Guest kiwikid]

I would make an excellent pope ... i look great in white, and am good at talking rubbish

[Wonderwoman]

oh yes K he is...

 

the only problem with him is, that he will have serious problem staying celibate with all the hot Italians around ;)

[Guest kiwikid]

@WW - and how many popes actually stay celibate - I can keep the hot italian men under my robes - no one need know they are there ....

 

@K - well no I am much younger ... all the more time to have a hell of a lot of fun

[Wonderwoman]

and what about teh sucking noises they will make ?

[Guest Peter]

1. Yes, I'm Vietnamese.

2. Yeah, kinda innapropriate, sorry. But thankfully google has no idea he exists.

[Wonderwoman]

sorry Peter I don´t understand what you mean with your post...

 

:blink:

[Guest Peter]

Hun, I was replying to Jimbo. :)

 

You don't mind if I call you hun, I'm just really happy right now. It can only get better and better --

[Guest kiwikid]

and what is making you so happy Peter?