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One of our booking agents in the phone room at Loveless Motel reports an anxious guest has lodged a complaint, and the conversation went like this: Agent: Good morning - let's plan your next vacation! What are you wearing? Caller: What do you mean, what am I wearing? Who cares what I'm wearing. There's a naked man in my kitchen cabinet, and I am afraid for my life, and for the safety of my canned fruit! Agent: Well, how did that happen? Have you called your local police? That sounds quite concerning. Perhaps he prefers only fresh fruit. Are then any reports of burglars in your area? Are there any signs he has tampered with your cans or manhandled your Little Debbies? Is he by any chance a missing man? Caller: What the fuck? Missing? No, he's fucking RIGHT HERE! Get security over here right away - I'm in a trailer home on Lovers Lane in Aluminum City...you guys need to take care of this. Agent: Sir, you've called the booking line and I can't tell where you are, except to say that it appears you are calling from an outside line when you call this number. You should have called the front desk. But don't worry. I'll get them on the line right now - can you provide a description of the intruder? Caller: Thank you - he's about 6 foot, slender, well defined, nice smile, blonde, nice bush, 6 cut, asking me if i need anything, deep voice, starting to get har-har-har-har huh-haaaaaaaard-shit, oh my...oh...fuck. Damn. Hold it - hold it hold it... no YES NO yes please YES shit fuck. I'll call ba-ba-ba-back. <CLICK>

As Nutbush Campground nears final completion and its opening date, Loveless Motel management still needs a steady stream of men with special skills of all kinds. Apply in person for a speedy interview - limber, fit and versatile candidates go to the top of the labor pool list. Generous compensation and benefits included. Speak to Psycho Randy at the front desk. In particular, those with knowledge of hot mopping, flashing, tongue in groove and full penetration butt welds are eagerly sought.

Will, the recently hired manager of Hard Tack General Store and mentor of the work-release program at Loveless Motel was asked by one of his recent charges what the U stood for. He recounted a lengthy story to the intrigued questioner regarding his maternal ancestors who trace their roots back to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness in Scotland, explaining that those who claim great familiarity with the men of the line can attest to what is really meant by the "Loch Ness Monster". Will chortled while his startled inquisitor's gaze moved involuntarily downward. Will U. Bonus (after William the Rough, a 13th century occupant of the castle) claims he has a collection of kilts that he'll probably start wearing in the shop once the summer humidity starts to take hold. On his days off in town, or for his visits to the Hit and Split, or when walking through the lobby he'll need to wear something; otherwise his free time will most likely be spent blending in with guests in and around the Bunkhouse and The Tubs, since fewer clothing is required and fraternization is encouraged by the management. He's a nudist a heart and wears the bare minimum when he must, and nothing at all whenever the surroundings or temperature cooperate. As men with personal monsters are apt to tell you, his has a pet name - "The Laird of Loveless", bestowed upon him by his new associates. And when in his cups, he's known to speak in a deep and affected low brogue whenever it's called to meet the moment. With his head tossed back and sweat on his brow, every mentee under his considerable spell has heard him say, "Ah, that's it, right there, Jamie my Boy with the wee tight hole. The Laird is comin' in. Right there."

Despite the best efforts of our Intern Onboarding classes and instructors, sometimes a candidate just doesn't work out. Experience tells us that we really have to watch it when tapping blondes for our programming. A prime example is seen here; a classic difference between the literal and the figurative. Never tell a blonde already struggling with basic concepts to "get a move on" - that structure is going nowhere. Luckily, we have a successful offboarding process in which a man can work off the time and money we have spent on him, and he'll have a choice of joining the housekeeping staff until his debt is paid, or becoming a Certified Hustler (pending the outcome of a rigorous interview process), in which case his debt may be forgiven, or reduced.

Guests at Loveless Motel are invited annually to decorate their room doors and may purchase various holiday decor, including popular Christmas trees and decorative balls at Hit and Split, our convenience store located off the lobby. Too busy to decorate it yourself? Hire one of our staff members to attend to your specific requests.

One of our staff members in a recent employee confab recently related how he drinks carrot juice because it sweetens his spunk. Several in the meeting said they could personally attest to this phenomenon, and the result is that The Tubs has added a new health bar called "Juices" - and carrots are definitely menu favorites. Located in the two-level basement of the Bunkhouse, The Tubs features a waterfall, maze, private and public fun rooms, and a mix of men from Townies to military men, truckers, and even staff members taking a break from their normal daily grind. grinding their juices as often as they can. Juices is on the lower level.

Shutter Bug Camera Shop, located off the lobby at Loveless Motel, is the perfect place to bring your creative ideas to fruition. Book a photo suite and private photographer today! It's our pleasure to assist and offer suggestions for a successful shoot. Sometimes creativity is nothing more than recognizing the low hanging fruit of ideas and capitalizing on them. Our private photographers are experts in recognizing and handling every opportunity that might present itself.

Our recent art show opening in the corridors off the lobby at Loveless Motel garnered mostly favorable reviews from VIP and nobody attendees alike. Everybody's a critic. "I don't know much about art, but I know what I like" said the framed subject. Mucho attitude was present all evening - BITCH!

Forget to pack an item that's de rigueur at Loveless Motel? Not to worry - Packaged Goods, located off the lobby, has the matter in hand for all your intimate wardrobe needs. Stop in for a helpful fitting today.

Aluminum City at Loveless Motel has a wide range of entertainment options, including The Vagabond, it's own pub with a pool table. This Certified Hustler provides an excellent example of a man's trifecta, offering up his personal inventory of cue, balls and pocket. Gentlemen, place your quarters on the siderail. The line starts to the right. Book your home away from home today!

If tight, fresh and low hangers are your thing, feast your eyes. Summer is time for our Tanline and Tush contest at the lake at Loveless Motel. The winner gets a lickin'

Some men have found out a secret about the lake - just around the bend from the beach there's an old abandoned commercial area - locals know it well. Loveless Motel is just full of surprises.

Loveless Motel is well known for the clientele it attracts. You never know who you'll see on the beach at the lake.

Our guest asked us if it was worth taking a walk in the woods surrounding Loveless Motel. We told him that he wouldn't have to wait long, and advised him to take a pair of sandals. We expect when he comes back he'll have tales to tell.

The barn over at the Stables is the place to rent a horse, or ride a cowboy. Loveless Motel has something for everyone!

The best way to check to see just how hot your cowboy is at Loveless Motel, is a never fail system using a rectal thermometer (of sorts). Time to put him to bed and give him lots of fluids.

Mornings are a great time to get out and explore some of the trails around Loveless Motel. You'll have the whole place nearly to yourself, and be able to commune with other early-rising nature lovers

Sand Jousting (or Horsey) at Loveless is an impromptu sport, generally conducted on grass or sand, and typically after a few beers have been consumed. The winning team, determined by which man/horse can keep his rider on the longest, has certain prizes it can claim, the benefits of which we leave to your imagination. Here's a hint.

No rush to get to breakfast at Loveless Motel. Breakfast is served 24 hours a day. We know you're busy!

One of our interns, Cliff, has been assigned to the Bunkhouse for the season, to make sure the men there are having an experience worthy of the reputation of Loveless Motel. He's ready, willing and able to do anything to make your stay memorable - and we mean anything. Internship is a key component of Loveless Motel's strategy to bring new ideas and energy into the workplace, develop talent and potentially build a pipeline for future full-time employees. Apply today!