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Look behind you! Reports are surfacing in the gossip mills across the Loveless Motel empire, amidst a rash of new missing jockstraps. Bunkhouse men just barely miss the guy in the act - a shadowy figure whose actions in silhouette suggest a heist in progress - a dick imprint and a fingered signature on the window of the steam room of The Tubs, a cryptic note left on a bench in the lockerroom there.....

A group of intrepid Loveless Motel habitués have taken it upon themselves to begin to create an outdoor sculpture garden of sorts in an area cordoned off for the purpose at Nutbush Campground. President's Day Weekend's weather was brisk but cooperative as the time was chosen to start on a project with that patriotic theme in mind. Asked if they might be taking on a bit much, one of the amateur chiselers explained that while the process certainly seemed daunting, one only had to remember the first principle of sculpting. The object being used to bore into a medium to be sculpted must be harder than the medium itself. Two of the other men who agreed offered to demonstrate this boring technique of hard tools drilling into pliant mounds on the spot, even though they were some distance away from their destination, and without usual sculptor's chiseling tools. But in the end we were all grateful for their eye-opening efforts and eventually all took turns practicing on each other, all the while trying hard not to think about the old playground joke about trying to fuck a bull with a wet noodle.

Loveless Motel Dispensary has moved from its small quarters next to the Laundry Room (a locked closet with a first aid kit, a few over the counter remedies such as Ex-lax, Kao pectate and castor oil, a stretcher and a straight jacket, with a clipboard hanging on a string, meant as a sign-out sheet), and is now located at 420 Tin Can Alley in Aluminum City, in a dedicated and distinctive unit, seen here, just arriving after having been purchased at an estate auction in town. The previous owner no longer has a need for the unit, as he was sued for medical malpractice after accidentally (barely) sedating a man who came in complaining of a bad hangnail and amputating his whole hand, and was found liable. But that's neither here nor there. Neither is the hand. More importantly, the facility will be open 24 hours a day every day, under the capable direction of Dr. John Long (of "Your Penis and You" lecture series fame) His small team of medical helpers has been trained personally by himself, with recent emphasis on the extraction of lost gerbils. This new medical endeavor aligns with the Loveless philosophy of getting our hands dirty in every possible way on behalf of our guests; put another way, we aim to be all things to all lodgers. In the event that any of our guests need the services of someone purporting to be a medical professional, no appointment is needed, and fees are minimal, though tips are accepted, and barter is always up for discussion. You may walk in at any hour, and rest assured that protocols are nearly in place in the event an amputation is not required. Dr. John also informs us he is an adept anthropomorphic taxidermy hobbyist, but we'll save that story for another time.

At the request of the chef at Birdwhistle's Tearoom, off-duty Officer Dick and his stalwart buddy Officer Rod have headed over to the nearly ready for occupancy Nutbush Camp Ground on an herb gathering expedition. Chef "Biff" Wellington prides himself on using local ingredients to make tasty fare which Loveless Motel gourmands say has an inexplicably narcotic effect. Trained as a US Marine cook in combat zones necessitating quick preparation and rapid relocation, Biff has a pragmatic philosophy in cooking and in life. Asked recently about the secret to his delicious Oxtail Soup, Chef Biff leaned over the counter, and with a confidential wink said, "Look, between you and me, not much, man. I just use whatever's available. You haven't seen any oxen around here lately, have you? This week, the Oxtail Soup is groundhog. Next week? Who knows! Git 'er done! Ooha! Semper Fi!"

Seen here relaxing in his Aluminum City quarters at Loveless Motel, Harry Biggerstaff takes solace amidst his antique porcelain collection and vents his frustration to us. "I feel like I'm in a very loose hole up to my nuts, and no way am I gonna get what I want", says he, "about this damned jock strap theft - where is the guy? I'm supposed to be this magical new Hotel Dick, and I'm coming up with bupkis! People don't steal jocks and sell them on the same property and then just walk away! Who is this guy?!" He's done many interviews; poked his business where some might say it didn't belong, and prodded what he thought were all the right spots, and just before he thought he might just hit it and be done, he had to pull out and try another lead. He'd gone cold. His new friend, Luke Atma Peterson, even assisted, and equally frustrated to a point of going down one bottomless hole after another, suggested Harry just lay lay off for a while and go have some fun while getting to know the Loveless property - so that's what he's doing. Anticipating Spring, we're finding him in the great outdoors, enjoying nature, seeking harmony with woodland creatures. Even so, he says he can still smell a ripe jock at 10 paces and he will get his man.

"I'm just a dandy lion" Friend of Dorothy Someone who is also gay -a member of the club- "Say the secret word" -1940s- "Those dungarees and that leather jacket really suit you, Percy, I can't help but wonder if you might also be a Friend of Dorothy." Frank L. Baum's May 17, 1900 book, the Wizard of Oz, introduced a world of weird characters, and a little girl named Dorothy who befriended a tin man, a scarecrow, and a cowardly lion. The lion became a "dandy" when Harold Arlen wrote the lyric "I'm just a dandy lion" for the 1939 film classic tune "If I only had a brain". The dandiness (a word used to describe aesthetes and somewhat effeminate men) and cowardice of the self-aware lion is such code for "queer" in the pre-Stonewall world, a world in which it was only natural for those "unnatural" men to seek each other out in not just a sexual but a social way as well. Being a friend of "Dorothy" must have taken on added meaning when, coincidentally or not, the funeral of Judy Garland and the Stonewall riot happened on the same day in the same city in the summer of 1969. Without knowing it at the time, events were setting in motion conditions for the creation of a world in which we could actually attempt to live "somewhere over the rainbow" and even create and wave a rainbow banner which said so. "I'm just a dandy lion"

You might well imagine that Loveless Motel doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. Faithless Lodger! Of course we do! But we also recognize the difference between recreational sex, romance and love! So here's hoping you receive a bit of all of that whenever you need to, but if you stay with us, there's virtually no way that you wouldn't receive at least one out of three. So from our founders, Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle, to Booboo and Yogi, Happy Valentine's Day

Will, the recently hired manager of Hard Tack General Store and mentor of the work-release program at Loveless Motel was asked by one of his recent charges what the U stood for. He recounted a lengthy story to the intrigued questioner regarding his maternal ancestors who trace their roots back to Urquhart Castle on Loch Ness in Scotland, explaining that those who claim great familiarity with the men of the line can attest to what is really meant by the "Loch Ness Monster". Will chortled while his startled inquisitor's gaze moved involuntarily downward. Will U. Bonus (after William the Rough, a 13th century occupant of the castle) claims he has a collection of kilts that he'll probably start wearing in the shop once the summer humidity starts to take hold. On his days off in town, or for his visits to the Hit and Split, or when walking through the lobby he'll need to wear something; otherwise his free time will most likely be spent blending in with guests in and around the Bunkhouse and The Tubs, since fewer clothing is required and fraternization is encouraged by the management. He's a nudist a heart and wears the bare minimum when he must, and nothing at all whenever the surroundings or temperature cooperate. As men with personal monsters are apt to tell you, his has a pet name - "The Laird of Loveless", bestowed upon him by his new associates. And when in his cups, he's known to speak in a deep and affected low brogue whenever it's called to meet the moment. With his head tossed back and sweat on his brow, every mentee under his considerable spell has heard him say, "Ah, that's it, right there, Jamie my Boy with the wee tight hole. The Laird is comin' in. Right there."

Sleep in! You'll need it because weekends are exhausting for even the most fit among our guests at Loveless Motel. Don't forget that when you do decide to wake up, a healthy dose of protein and working up a sweat with a buddy always helps to get you going.

It isn't every day that one of our Certified Hustlers at Loveless Motel has good luck twice on the same day. So Irving here says he walked into Dick Blunt's Smoke Shop and Lottery Tickets, bought a pack of reds and a couple scratch tickets and BAM, one of them produced a $75 winner! So it's his day off and he decides to catch a bus to town and BAM, a flush business-type townie needs to get fucked real bad. Lucky Irving, lucky townie! Fucking Marlboro Reds! Talk about a busman's holiday!

Hard has he might try, he's distracted: being staff writer/publicist chronicling the antics of our lodgers at Loveless Motel can be tough, especially when he's temporarily displaced from his room because his traveling buddy decided to have an all day orgy and he has a deadline. The punters want their tall tales and dirty gossip, and it's already fucking Wednesday. But what's he doing typing? He should have stayed for the fun, and chalked it up to "research".

Wanda Wandwaver A braggart who constantly reminds us of his natural gifts -1960s- "That Wanda Wandwaver goes on and on about the size of his Oscar Meyer - the other day he told me he got on the bus at the pier, and standing, turned to look out a window and stabbed a seated midshipman in the eye with it."

Despite the best efforts of our Intern Onboarding classes and instructors, sometimes a candidate just doesn't work out. Experience tells us that we really have to watch it when tapping blondes for our programming. A prime example is seen here; a classic difference between the literal and the figurative. Never tell a blonde already struggling with basic concepts to "get a move on" - that structure is going nowhere. Luckily, we have a successful offboarding process in which a man can work off the time and money we have spent on him, and he'll have a choice of joining the housekeeping staff until his debt is paid, or becoming a Certified Hustler (pending the outcome of a rigorous interview process), in which case his debt may be forgiven, or reduced.

Loveless Motel is happy to announce that we have filled our House Detective position. Harrison Biggerstaff (just Harry to you) checked all the right boxes on his application and will enhance our compliance team greatly. "Drilling down to the core of the matter, I always get my man" said Harry in his interview. Just so you know, he's unspoken for, and in his free time, collects antique porcelain, loves sports, and calls himself "a bit of a fashion whore". He's eager to get to work by going undercover to catch that jockstrap thief for starters. The head of our personnel department vouches for Harry's skills. "He knows how to get to the root of the matter."

On hearing the news that a selection had been made for the new House Detective position, Sheriff Buck N. McBuff, the Hoosegow jailhouse custodian at the Bunkhouse, let management know about his unhappiness, in no uncertain terms. In a confrontation with Senior Manager Nic, holding back tears, Buck exclaimed, "What about my application? Don't I even get feedback?? It shoulda been me! I've given months of my life to this company! I may only have four inches, but it's the best damned four inches in town!" and whipped out his cock right in the office! No stranger to cocks being whipped out in his office, Nic calmly explained that cock size wasn't the ONLY consideration in picking a candidate. He proceeded to comfort Buck in the way he does best, with plenty of good feedback and stuff, and it's all better now.

A frequent guest in Room 222, the "Beer Heir" Narcissus Blatz stays with us whenever daddy threatens to take him out of the will. We can't quite say that "Narc", as he is known to his Loveless Motel chums, isn't the one who needles dear old dad by having his picture taken by good old "Snap" Wadmacher from Shutter Bug Camera Shop, because he is. He bundles up a packet of pictures to send back to Milwaukee whenever he stays with us directly, to Daddy Blatz at his brewery office, knowing all his mail is previewed by the supervisor of the mail room. An officious fussbudget named Milburne Milquetoast, the glorified stamp-licker is known to collect porcelain teacups issued for the coronations of British Monarchs. Purportedly, according to Narc, Milburne's favorite photos are ones in which Blatz the younger compares his dick size to a bottle, can or rolling pin - anything that's handy. Dad is jealous - mainly because Narc is fond of Dad's brother, his uncle, who like our picture-boy here is equally well hung and thick, and on more than speaking terms with his nephew. So, it would appear, is Milburne, who spends a lot of time running off to "have a cup of tea" with said uncle.

Georgina of the Jungle A gay man with a serious addiction to overdecorating with houseplants -1970s- "You can hardly move for falling over an aspidistra in that closet of an apartment. Georgina of the Jungle really needs to get a grip. I think I'll stop over with a housewarming present - a mealybug-infested coleus ought to do the trick"

The front desk reports that it has received several calls this week from guests complaining that they are hearing mysterious clicks on their line whenever they are making in-house calls to other rooms. This phenomenon is preceded by what sounds like a third party breathing heavily, mixed with the sounds of intermittent chirping birds. Loveless Motel management apologizes for any concerns this may cause, and is doing its best to follow up, and reminds guests that it is working toward filling the position of House Detective. In unrelated news, Nutbush Campground is fast becoming a reality, with great strides being made toward its completion, including erecting telephone lines to its public spaces, with testing ongoing to ensure the lines are tied in with the rest of the Loveless property, including the Motel, Aluminum City, The Bunkhouse and Loveless Truck Stop.

Even in the dead of winter, the beat goes on and it's raining men at Smarty Pants Disco at Loveless Motel, located off the lobby. If you need a break, slip through the swinging doors in back of the dance floor and into the lush life that is The Mauve Tavern. Of course, if your look isn't up to par in the tavern, you'll be told to get the fuck out. These bitches are serious!

We regret to inform those of you who've been waiting to check in by our promised 3 PM time, that due to a shortage of staff in housekeeping, as well as training issues, rooms will be assigned upon arrival but actual occupancy of rooms will be delayed until 7 PM today. Existing staff is working feverishly to clear the rooms, but the lack of domestic talent is made obvious by this documentary photo, indicating that when ironing linens, it does help to put the plug into a wall outlet. Inconvenienced guests will receive a 10 percent discount on one meal in any of our restaurants.

Since our recent request for applications to fill an urgent need for a house detective, several interesting candidates have sent in resumes, and a recent trip up into the attic resulted in finding another shoebox full of old pictures including some of our founders, Edgar Loveless and Sinjin Birdwhistle, apparently dressed up for a party or fancy dress affair as Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Our search is ongoing, but we share with you some of the more interesting photos we've received, including a few which have taken the moniker "Dick" quite literally, as well as some of those who've said they were less interested in the main job, but were interested in working "under the dick", which we take to mean as an intern. Or not

Recent events have forced the management team to seek the services of an investigative professional. Crime is on the rise at Loveless Motel, as evidenced by this candid shot of a perpetrator fleeing the scene, thought to be a possible jockstrap thief, caught on celluloid by ace Shutter Bug Camera Shop photographer "Snap" Wadmacher, who just happened to be in the right place at the right time (so he says).Therefore, effective immediately we announce we are taking applications to fill the position of a Hotel Dick, to receive a generous compensation package with dental benefits, and a Bank of America Christmas Club account, as well as private living quarters at Aluminum City (if so desired). The successful applicant who declines the living quarters will not be further compensated to offset the cost of seeking accommodations elsewhere. With the sudden uptick of petty crimes being committed against the business and guests, time is of the essence in filling the position. In-person interviews will be conducted after a review of mailed applications. Good luck to all the aspiring Dicks out there!

Meet Gary - a townie who's been hanging out lately in the parking lot at Loveless Truck Stop. Not that the truckers are complaining - not by a long shot. Several long-haulers have told us Gary knows the score, and is happy to make a personal delivery to your cab. He tells us he's just doing good works, offering a helping hand whenever he can. Truckers say he makes every inch of a good buddy's slide electric because his pants aren't the only thing that's tight.

Fifi Bag A slit sponge lubricated with vaseline, placed inside a baggie, for fucking, in an emergency (as in a prolonged dry spell) -1960s- "I'm headed out of town into strange territory, and I hope I remember to take my Fifi bag, just in case I strike out at Loveless Motel this weekend" Named in honor of Fifi , the name of every French whore

Busy night last night? Dick on your breath the morning after and you can't find your toothbrush? Call the front desk, young man, and we'll deliver, free of charge on most items such as toothbrushes, and only a slight cost to headache powders and other medicinal over the counter items like Ex Lax, or Pepto Bismol, or douche bags.