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How old were you when you first saw porn?


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On 4/23/2017 at 9:06 PM, william89 said:

I was... 13-14 it was with a boysfirsttime.com trailer I think.

Oooooh, and it was your first time too!!  😂

On 11/5/2019 at 2:29 AM, Edavid said:

I was about 12, over at a friend's house. We were searching for something (I forget what it was) in his older brother's bedroom and instead found a few playboys. My friend was a lot more interested than I was in looking through these magazines

Playboy, I get confused, is that with woman or hombre?  

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Believe it was around my early teen years when I came across my older brother's stash of various adult publications from Penthouse to Playboy. I just remember seeing all of those pics of nude women in various poses. I wondered what it would possibly be like to pose nude & if I would ever get a chance to if I wanted to. Later in my college years, along with my my cousin & some of her friends we decided to participate in Playboy's "Women of the ACC" nude pictorial. I did pose naked for some test pics but unfortunately didn't make the final cut for the publication.

A few years later, early HS is when I came across a Playgirl magazine. First time I ever flipped through one & was so in awe to see fully nude men with their penis exposed! So many yummy nude men with some having a nice penis!

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14  (1974)When I was staying over at a friends over the weekend and we went into his mom's bedroom and he got out her pile of Playgirls and I got stiff.  He beat me off and the rest is history.

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Oh gosh I was about 6 or 7. The ItStore used to be a Canadian retailer where they would sell these greeting/erotic scratch off images where you are to reveal what's under the symbol. Gee I wonder what it was 😛

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When I was 5-6 years old my uncle lived next door and he would let us kids play and stay there while he was away. My brother is several years older than me. Anyhow, one day I was there to feed the dog and had to use the bathroom. It was the first time I noticed some magazines on a shelf in the linen closet (door was already open a little) and it was a stack of Playboys. I quickly looked at a few pages and then decided I better get home before parent's wondered what was taking me so long. I made many excuses to go over to his house after that and his stack of magazines eventually were just left out beside his bed. I later realized why my brother and his friends used to ask to spend the night over there when uncle was gone. I was sneaky and managed to peek in the window one night to see my brother and a few friends jerking off to the magazines. I became bolder with looking at the magazines when my brother was also there which led to more fun...

I was around 9 when I found a Playgirl magazine in the bushes by the bus stop at the end of our street. It really got my attention with the naked guys with the clothed women. It was with that magazine that had a bunch of my friends getting naked and comparing our cocks since we saw so many different sizes in the magazine. Sadly we moved away from those guys when I was 11 and we were starting to experiment together.

I was 16 when I stopped into an adult bookstore with some friends because we had heard about glory holes. We were nervously looking around and that's when I saw my first gay magazine - Honcho. I tried not to make it obvious but I wandered thru that section a few times and I'm sure my hard on was clearly visible. We ended up being too afraid to go down the hall to the video section since so many men were there staring at us. I did go back and got serviced many many times on my own after that first visit. Took me many years to finally suck someone thru the hole.

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I was about 15 when I happened to wonder into the back of a newsstand and spotted a few small "educational/Arts" mags featuring naked and almost naked men. Whenever I got over to that town after that I made it a point to visit.

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Probably when I was like 13. For a while my mom and I lived with my grandparents. My granddad had like boxes and boxes and boxes full of magazines, video tapes and even some DVDs later on. My first time finding out there was porn magazines for women/gay/bi men was probably like 15 at my friend's house. She stole some of her mom's magazines. I remember Playgirl and I know there was a few others I don't remember the name though.

 

But I got so excited when I turned 18 first thing I did was buy a bunch of porn magazines. I didn't have a adult store near me. So I had to buy it at a convenience store. The cashier seemed surprised to see a girl buying them lol.

Edited by Nikkij29
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When I was about 11 or 12, I went over to my friend's house. We were the same age and he had a bunch of older brothers. After playing Legos for about an hour (we played Legos all through gradeschool) we sneaked upstairs to his brothers' bedroom and went through the hidden porn stash. Lots of naked women, which didn't really interest me. But there were a few Hustler magazines that showed off some cocks, and I knew that's where my interest was. 

Saw my first straight porn movie at age 17, and I really didn't like it (girls are gross). Didn't see gay porn magazines until I was a sophomore in college, and didn't see a gay porn movie until I was 26.

This is not the subject of this thread, but someone should start a thread about "first times" having public sex. I didn't know that men went to the gym to have sex in the steam room until I was 25, and I didn't go to a bathhouse until I was 30. I really had no idea that such things existed; I had to read about them before I discovered them. I had a boyfriend through most of my college years and early 20s, so he kept me satisfied enough that I wasn't really curious about other men. 

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When I was 13 I saw a porn photos for the first time. At my 40's I started watching porn in internet.

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On 11/22/2019 at 8:32 PM, MarioFan22 said:

Oh gosh I was about 6 or 7. The ItStore used to be a Canadian retailer where they would sell these greeting/erotic scratch off images where you are to reveal what's under the symbol. Gee I wonder what it was 😛

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I remember the "It" store and the erotic board games and other adult novelties!!! A bit older than you at that time, probably about 10....

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I think my earliest exposure to porn was to some pretty tame adult joke books my dad had gotten as gag gifts from his buddies for his birthday.  He got two books:  one called Jokes for the Head and the other was Still More Playboy Party Jokes.  I just looked them up online, and from the publication dates on them, I see I was younger than I thought when I saw them.  One was published when I was 3 and the other when I was 6.  They probably had been out a while by the time my dad got them, but still, I couldn’t have been much older than that.  My dad must have shown them to me since I knew of their existence, though they were usually hidden in the closet in my parents’ bedroom.

I didn’t understand most of the jokes in the books, but they had cartoons in them that depicted busty, naked women.  They didn’t show women’s crotches and no nude men other than maybe an old man’s butt as a joke, but it was still sexy.

I have one memory of sneaking one of the books to my room when my buddy was spending the night.  We were in bed looking at the book.  It was sexy, so we had pulled down our pajamas to show each other our boners.  My bedroom door was closed, but we must have been giggling or making too much noise because all of a sudden, my door flew open and my mom charged into my room.  I threw the book under the covers and pulled them up to hide my boner.  Of course, my mom had seen what I did, so she yanked down my blankets, exposing me and the book.  She looked at my boner and said, “You’ve been playing with yourself.”  She grabbed the book and stormed out of the room.  My friend and I were mortified, but I don’t remember us talking about it, and my mom never mentioned it again, much to my relief.

I think my first exposure to real photos of nude women was when I was 7 and in the hospital to have my appendix removed.  I shared a room with a grown man who was a lot of fun.  One night a bunch of his friends came to our room and threw a party for him with balloons and presents.  One guy pinned a Playboy centerfold to my closet door, thinking it was my roommate’s closet.  I was thrilled.  One of the gifts my roommate got was a deck of dirty cards.  They must have let me see what it was because the next morning when my roommate left to take a shower, I got out of bed and went over to his pile of gifts and found the cards.  I started looking through them at the naked women and I immediately got a boner.  I panicked because I was only wearing a hospital gown and no underwear, so there was no way I could hide that my dick was standing straight up.  I didn’t understand the concept of masturbation yet, so I quickly put the cards away and got back into bed, praying for my boner to go away.  When the nurse came in, she saw the centerfold on my door.  She took it down and said something about how that was some party last night and she left with the picture.  I kicked myself for not taking it down myself and hiding it in my suitcase.

My next porn memory was with a buddy whose uncle gave him a copy of Playboy.  We were 11 and in sixth grade.  My buddy brought it to school and hid it in his book bag.  He showed it to me quickly near the school parking lot, but he invited me to stay overnight at his house, and we looked at it together.  This was a progression from the cartoons my dad had because it showed real women, and unlike the deck of cards where I barely had a chance to look before my boner kicked in, this time we could study the pictures carefully.  We sat next to each other on the edge of my friend’s bed and we took our pants off and showed each other our boners.

The best thing about that issue of Playboy was that it was the Sex in Cinema issue so there were also naked men.  I couldn’t help but notice that my friend was as interested in the naked men as I was.  We ended up putting the magazine aside and rolling around on his bed naked together.

That same buddy introduced me to my first hardcore magazine a few years later.  He was babysitting for his nieces and nephew who lived across the street from us.  We were 14.  The kids were in bed, so he and I were in the basement raiding his sister’s liquor cabinet when he pulled out a brown paper sack with a magazine in it.  It was his brother-in-law’s.  I don’t know whether his brother-in-law had given it to him or if he had snooped and found it, but I was excited to see it.  It showed men with boners and it showed actual penetration.  As we looked at the magazine together, we commented on which guys’ cocks were most like ours.  Without warning, my buddy pulled down his pants to show me his dick. It was hard and standing straight up.  That was enough for me; I pulled my pants down and showed him my erection too.  That night he gave me my first real blowjob.

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1 hour ago, EffinJeff1965 said:

I think my earliest exposure to porn was to some pretty tame adult joke books my dad had gotten as gag gifts from his buddies for his birthday.  He got two books:  one called Jokes for the Head and the other was Still More Playboy Party Jokes.  I just looked them up online, and from the publication dates on them, I see I was younger than I thought when I saw them.  One was published when I was 3 and the other when I was 6.  They probably had been out a while by the time my dad got them, but still, I couldn’t have been much older than that.  My dad must have shown them to me since I knew of their existence, though they were usually hidden in the closet in my parents’ bedroom.

I didn’t understand most of the jokes in the books, but they had cartoons in them that depicted busty, naked women.  They didn’t show women’s crotches and no nude men other than maybe an old man’s butt as a joke, but it was still sexy.

I have one memory of sneaking one of the books to my room when my buddy was spending the night.  We were in bed looking at the book.  It was sexy, so we had pulled down our pajamas to show each other our boners.  My bedroom door was closed, but we must have been giggling or making too much noise because all of a sudden, my door flew open and my mom charged into my room.  I threw the book under the covers and pulled them up to hide my boner.  Of course, my mom had seen what I did, so she yanked down my blankets, exposing me and the book.  She looked at my boner and said, “You’ve been playing with yourself.”  She grabbed the book and stormed out of the room.  My friend and I were mortified, but I don’t remember us talking about it, and my mom never mentioned it again, much to my relief.

I think my first exposure to real photos of nude women was when I was 7 and in the hospital to have my appendix removed.  I shared a room with a grown man who was a lot of fun.  One night a bunch of his friends came to our room and threw a party for him with balloons and presents.  One guy pinned a Playboy centerfold to my closet door, thinking it was my roommate’s closet.  I was thrilled.  One of the gifts my roommate got was a deck of dirty cards.  They must have let me see what it was because the next morning when my roommate left to take a shower, I got out of bed and went over to his pile of gifts and found the cards.  I started looking through them at the naked women and I immediately got a boner.  I panicked because I was only wearing a hospital gown and no underwear, so there was no way I could hide that my dick was standing straight up.  I didn’t understand the concept of masturbation yet, so I quickly put the cards away and got back into bed, praying for my boner to go away.  When the nurse came in, she saw the centerfold on my door.  She took it down and said something about how that was some party last night and she left with the picture.  I kicked myself for not taking it down myself and hiding it in my suitcase.

My next porn memory was with a buddy whose uncle gave him a copy of Playboy.  We were 11 and in sixth grade.  My buddy brought it to school and hid it in his book bag.  He showed it to me quickly near the school parking lot, but he invited me to stay overnight at his house, and we looked at it together.  This was a progression from the cartoons my dad had because it showed real women, and unlike the deck of cards where I barely had a chance to look before my boner kicked in, this time we could study the pictures carefully.  We sat next to each other on the edge of my friend’s bed and we took our pants off and showed each other our boners.

The best thing about that issue of Playboy was that it was the Sex in Cinema issue so there were also naked men.  I couldn’t help but notice that my friend was as interested in the naked men as I was.  We ended up putting the magazine aside and rolling around on his bed naked together.

That same buddy introduced me to my first hardcore magazine a few years later.  He was babysitting for his nieces and nephew who lived across the street from us.  We were 14.  The kids were in bed, so he and I were in the basement raiding his sister’s liquor cabinet when he pulled out a brown paper sack with a magazine in it.  It was his brother-in-law’s.  I don’t know whether his brother-in-law had given it to him or if he had snooped and found it, but I was excited to see it.  It showed men with boners and it showed actual penetration.  As we looked at the magazine together, we commented on which guys’ cocks were most like ours.  Without warning, my buddy pulled down his pants to show me his dick. It was hard and standing straight up.  That was enough for me; I pulled my pants down and showed him my erection too.  That night he gave me my first real blowjob.

It interests me that you had such powerful erotic reactions to Playboy's nude women -- reactions that I, too, had in pre- and early-pubescent years; reactions that, as far as I can tell, are no different from that of standard heterosexual men.  I'm wondering: does every gay man start off being aroused by women but decide on men as a preference -- or are we who experience both (attraction to men and women) an anomalous subset?

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1 minute ago, tourist said:

It interests me that you had such powerful erotic reactions to Playboy's nude women -- reactions that I, too, had in pre- and early-pubescent years; reactions that, as far as I can tell, are no different from that of standard heterosexual men.  I'm wondering: does every gay man start off being aroused by women but decide on men as a preference -- or are we who experience both (attraction to men and women) an anomalous subset?

I've wondered the same thing.  I was honestly aroused by women back then and I didn't question it.  But I played with the neighborhood boys and not the girls.  That didn't seem odd to me.  And when I started seeing naked men, I liked them more than the naked women, but it took me a long time to understand what that meant.

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6 hours ago, EffinJeff1965 said:

I've wondered the same thing.  I was honestly aroused by women back then and I didn't question it.  But I played with the neighborhood boys and not the girls.  That didn't seem odd to me.  And when I started seeing naked men, I liked them more than the naked women, but it took me a long time to understand what that meant.

I wonder about the same thing. One thing that I think about is how the curve attracts, and so it seems in mainstream culture that the stereotype is that women are the curvier ones, but the truth is men can have amazing curves too, including for examples pecs, glutes, hamstrings, biceps, quads, or to put it simply chests, butts, and legs. And of course the shape of a cock. Yet these male curves don't get highlighted very often in mainstream culture unless it is bodybuilding (but not the cocks of course being shown in bodybuilding), not even for most of women's entertainment unless it is porn.

The only exception is male butts to some degree, in mainstream culture, are shown to women. For example, Jean Claude Van-Damme had/has a large following of women (and I'm guessing tons of men who appreciate the sight of a hot man) as well as heterosexual men (who are fans of his action movies), so in almost every movie he made in the 80s and 90s there was the obligatory (and beautiful) scene showing his naked gorgeous ass. But otherwise, in mainstream culture, it's almost as if only women can have beautiful bodies, and men can at most have beautiful faces and butts, but (pardon the unintentional pun of "but"!) meanwhile there is so much more about men that can be hot.

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I was early teens, a friend I hung around with, his dad worked on cars and had nude magazines hidden in the garage, but he found them and we all looked through them. They all were naked women. We were just boys then. They are married to women.

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13 hours ago, SexyHunkster2021 said:

I wonder about the same thing. One thing that I think about is how the curve attracts, and so it seems in mainstream culture that the stereotype is that women are the curvier ones, but the truth is men can have amazing curves too, including for examples pecs, glutes, hamstrings, biceps, quads, or to put it simply chests, butts, and legs. And of course the shape of a cock. Yet these male curves don't get highlighted very often in mainstream culture unless it is bodybuilding (but not the cocks of course being shown in bodybuilding), not even for most of women's entertainment unless it is porn.

The only exception is male butts to some degree, in mainstream culture, are shown to women. For example, Jean Claude Van-Damme had/has a large following of women (and I'm guessing tons of men who appreciate the sight of a hot man) as well as heterosexual men (who are fans of his action movies), so in almost every movie he made in the 80s and 90s there was the obligatory (and beautiful) scene showing his naked gorgeous ass. But otherwise, in mainstream culture, it's almost as if only women can have beautiful bodies, and men can at most have beautiful faces and butts, but (pardon the unintentional pun of "but"!) meanwhile there is so much more about men that can be hot.

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I think you're on to something.  When I was a kid, men's bodies weren't as objectified as they are now--at least in mainstream culture/media/advertising, etc.  I think they were objectified, of course, but for young guys like me, the only "naughty" magazines available (and acceptable for boys to want to look at) were men's magazines with pictures of nude women.  My buddies and I all wanted to see those nude women since their bodies were foreign--and forbidden--to us.  I saw my buddies nude and though I was interested in their bodies, their bodies weren't exposed to me in an erotic context.  At first.  Girls' bodies, however, were more of a mystery.  And the understanding was that boys were attracted to girls.  We didn't question it.  And I really was interested in girls.  I remember watching "The Night They Raided Minsky's" on TV.  I was in bed in my room.  When Britt Eklund was stripping, I remember becoming overwhelmed with lust and sexual feelings.  As she removed her clothes, those feelings got stronger.  I ended up on my knees, watching the movie, saying, "Take it off!  Take it off!" to myself.  When she pulled off her bra, I lurched forward and lost my balance on my bed.  We didn't end up seeing her breasts, of course, but the build-up was intense for me.  And those feelings of arousal were real.

That said, when I did get to see a copy of Playboy, the women's bodies were beautiful, but not explicit at all.  I was fascinated by the big breasts.  The crotches were just some airbrushed pubic hair, so I wondered what was hiding behind that hair, but that wasn’t my focus.  When I started to see magazines that showed women's bodies more explicitly, however, I wasn't all that interested in what I saw.  But if someone had a Penthouse with a pictorial that included a guy, my interest was piqued.  It wasn't conscious, but my body knew and responded accordingly.  And maybe part of it was that at a certain point, it was easy to find images of nude women, but it was still harder to find nude men, so it was still special and still an accomplishment, and still more forbidden and taboo.  As you said, we were lucky to get a glimpse of a guy's butt.  Sometimes you might get a profile shot where a little pubic hair was visible.  That was something.  If you got a glimpse of even a part of a cock, it was amazing.

Now, I don't think I was attracted to men only because it was naughty, though that helped, but that was my true nature:  attraction to men.  I suppose that since the whole world reinforced heterosexuality, I was conditioned to it, and those feelings were real enough, but over time, my true attractions couldn't help but come out.

My earliest sexual experiences, for the most part, were with other boys.  We talked about the girls we liked, and those were true feelings, I think, but then when we were aroused, we only had each other, which was fine with me and apparently fine with my buddies.  As we learned how sex worked with women, we'd share our new knowledge with each other and then we'd try to approximate "real" sex with each other.  We looked at it as practice for when we got girlfriends so that we would know what to do.  We took turns being the girl.  The guy being the boy got to explore the "girl's" body and could do whatever he wanted.  It was a whole hell of a lot of fun.

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1 hour ago, EffinJeff1965 said:

I think you're on to something.  When I was a kid, men's bodies weren't as objectified as they are now--at least in mainstream culture/media/advertising, etc.  I think they were objectified, of course, but for young guys like me, the only "naughty" magazines available (and acceptable for boys to want to look at) were men's magazines with pictures of nude women.  My buddies and I all wanted to see those nude women since their bodies were foreign--and forbidden--to us.  I saw my buddies nude and though I was interested in their bodies, their bodies weren't exposed to me in an erotic context.  At first.  Girls' bodies, however, were more of a mystery.  And the understanding was that boys were attracted to girls.  We didn't question it.  And I really was interested in girls.  I remember watching "The Night They Raided Minsky's" on TV.  I was in bed in my room.  When Britt Eklund was stripping, I remember becoming overwhelmed with lust and sexual feelings.  As she removed her clothes, those feelings got stronger.  I ended up on my knees, watching the movie, saying, "Take it off!  Take it off!" to myself.  When she pulled off her bra, I lurched forward and lost my balance on my bed.  We didn't end up seeing her breasts, of course, but the build-up was intense for me.  And those feelings of arousal were real.

That said, when I did get to see a copy of Playboy, the women's bodies were beautiful, but not explicit at all.  I was fascinated by the big breasts.  The crotches were just some airbrushed pubic hair, so I wondered what was hiding behind that hair, but that wasn’t my focus.  When I started to see magazines that showed women's bodies more explicitly, however, I wasn't all that interested in what I saw.  But if someone had a Penthouse with a pictorial that included a guy, my interest was piqued.  It wasn't conscious, but my body knew and responded accordingly.  And maybe part of it was that at a certain point, it was easy to find images of nude women, but it was still harder to find nude men, so it was still special and still an accomplishment, and still more forbidden and taboo.  As you said, we were lucky to get a glimpse of a guy's butt.  Sometimes you might get a profile shot where a little pubic hair was visible.  That was something.  If you got a glimpse of even a part of a cock, it was amazing.

Now, I don't think I was attracted to men only because it was naughty, though that helped, but that was my true nature:  attraction to men.  I suppose that since the whole world reinforced heterosexuality, I was conditioned to it, and those feelings were real enough, but over time, my true attractions couldn't help but come out.

My earliest sexual experiences, for the most part, were with other boys.  We talked about the girls we liked, and those were true feelings, I think, but then when we were aroused, we only had each other, which was fine with me and apparently fine with my buddies.  As we learned how sex worked with women, we'd share our new knowledge with each other and then we'd try to approximate "real" sex with each other.  We looked at it as practice for when we got girlfriends so that we would know what to do.  We took turns being the girl.  The guy being the boy got to explore the "girl's" body and could do whatever he wanted.  It was a whole hell of a lot of fun.

So powerful to read your experiences and feelings! They very much mirror my own except for the part of experimenting with other boys as a kid. Although I do remember a sleep-over where it was three of us, all boys, in about grade 5, 6, or 7, where my friend took out his cock while the other friend kept describing naked women, in order to see how erect and big his cock could get in response.

The part where you wrote how if someone had a Penthouse that had a pictorial including a guy your interest got piqued, definitely hit home. I'd study the cocks, and the cock kissing, etc.

Years later, when watching straight porn, I remember watching this chick I thought was hot, but then starting to get more turned on by the guy nailing her, and when she would suck his huge cock I would want to be the one sucking it, and when they would show his ass as he pounded into her, I would want to be kissing and eating out his gorgeous round ass.

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/4/2021 at 1:11 PM, SexyHunkster2021 said:

So powerful to read your experiences and feelings! They very much mirror my own except for the part of experimenting with other boys as a kid. Although I do remember a sleep-over where it was three of us, all boys, in about grade 5, 6, or 7, where my friend took out his cock while the other friend kept describing naked women, in order to see how erect and big his cock could get in response.

The part where you wrote how if someone had a Penthouse that had a pictorial including a guy your interest got piqued, definitely hit home. I'd study the cocks, and the cock kissing, etc.

Years later, when watching straight porn, I remember watching this chick I thought was hot, but then starting to get more turned on by the guy nailing her, and when she would suck his huge cock I would want to be the one sucking it, and when they would show his ass as he pounded into her, I would want to be kissing and eating out his gorgeous round ass.

I've been thinking about this.  When I was a kid, my buddies and I talked about girls.  We were sincere.  I certainly was.  I had crushes on girls but never fooled around with them.  I fooled around with my buddies.  But we still talked about girls.  As I started getting older, I remember playing "Seven Minutes in Heaven" with a group of my friends.  In the game, I had to go in the closet for seven minutes with a girl that I had a crush on, so it should have been great.  But when we got in the closet, I could tell she was terrified, probably due to inexperience.  I didn't know what to do either since I had next to no experience with girls, nor did I really want to do anything with her, and I certainly didn't want to scare her or do anything she didn't want to do, so we just sat in the closet together until we were let out.  Should I have known I was gay then?  Maybe, but that just wasn't part of our vocabulary or experience then.

When I look back, however, duh, of course I was gay, but I didn't have anything that reinforced those feelings--other than my buddies and it was understood that we played and enjoyed it, but we didn't talk about it.  And I didn't develop feelings for those buddies. Our sex play was fun, but I wasn't in love with them or jealous when a buddy played with another buddy or with a girl.  It was just a fun game we played.  

I remember the first time I had feelings for another boy.  It was nice, but, interestingly enough, he wasn't one of the guys I messed around with.  I saw them as separate things.  And when I had those feelings toward him, I saw it as just what it felt like to have a "best friend." And, of course, I don't think I analyzed it at the time.  It was just me living my life.  When I look back, it's fun to see the history of my evolution as a gay man.

But now I see how much I was interested in Sandy in FLIPPER, and Robert Conrad in WILD, WILD WEST, and I understand what feelings they aroused in me.  

Edited by EffinJeff1965
corrected a name
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41 minutes ago, EffinJeff1965 said:

I've been thinking about this.  When I was a kid, my buddies and I talked about girls.  We were sincere.  I certainly was.  I had crushes on girls but never fooled around with them.  I fooled around with my buddies.  But we still talked about girls.  As I started getting older, I remember playing "Seven Minutes in Heaven" with a group of my friends.  In the game, I had to go in the closet for seven minutes with a girl that I had a crush on, so it should have been great.  But when we got in the closet, I could tell she was terrified, probably due to inexperience.  I didn't know what to do either since I had next to no experience with girls, nor did I really want to do anything with her, and I certainly didn't want to scare her or do anything she didn't want to do, so we just sat in the closet together until we were let out.  Should I have known I was gay then?  Maybe, but that just wasn't part of our vocabulary or experience then.

When I look back, however, duh, of course I was gay, but I didn't have anything that reinforced those feelings--other than my buddies and it was understood that we played and enjoyed it, but we didn't talk about it.  And I didn't develop feelings for those buddies. Our sex play was fun, but I wasn't wasn't in love with them or jealous when a buddy played with another buddy or with a girl.  It was just a fun game we played.  

I remember the first time I had feelings for another boy.  It was nice, but, interestingly enough, he wasn't one of the guys I messed around with.  I saw them as separate things.  And when I had those feelings toward him, I saw it as just what it felt like to have a "best friend." And, of course, I don't think I analyzed it at the time.  It was just me living my life.  When I look back, it's fun to see the history of my evolution as a gay man.

But now I see how much I was interested in Sandy in FLIPPER, and Robert Wagner in WILD, WILD WEST, and I understand what feelings they aroused in me.  

Robert Wagner?  Where did that come from.  I meant Robert Conrad.  Woof.  When the movie MURPH THE SURF was released, I ran to the theater.

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