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Big Gay Talk: How to keep from seeming too desperate?


JoelR

1,032 views

How would you help out user TheHeartbreakPrinxe, who asks:

Okay, so, I’ll be the first and last person to admit that i can get a little...attached too quickly. I have a tendency to dream of the person I’d like and project that onto whoever it is that I date or start seeing; obviously it fucks me up. How do I keep myself at a healthy distance and to keep myself from creating a Mr. Perfect in my mind and then creating this air of puppy love around Mr. Garbage? I also am a very sensitive someone, my feelings can get hurt if I interpret a text differently and I then I feel like I have to over analyze and then question everything. I also tend to worry that I’m saying too much. How do I know what I’m doing is the right thing? Like, how do I keep my chill? If it isn’t obvious already I’m a hopeless romantic. Help. I don’t want to seem crazy or too desperate. I’m 29 and it’s been the same thing, again and again.

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Kawika

Posted (edited)

I think it's great to have ideals and a vision for what you want... but it sounds like you should start by making a list of the kinds of behaviors and attitudes and actions you are looking for and another for what is unacceptable. (it's important that this be a bit flexible because no one is perfect as much as we wish they were) It's not really fair to you or the other person to try to make them more than they are... once you have established  the kind of character you are looking for in a person... let their actions help show you that they are or are not the person you are looking for. It's also important to do some self examination  in the process... if you work on being the type of person you are looking for I'm certain you will find some new dimensions to who you are but also what you are looking for. Nothing in life that is worthwhile is easy... but keep in mind that no one can hurt your feelings without you allowing it... don't become cold and shut yourself off... but set boundaries of what you will accept from others... and at the same time make sure you are respecting their space and boundaries to find the best that you have to offer them.

Edited by Kawika
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