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On Success


Tomster

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It has been more than a year since I wrote my first blog entry in the new blog. The first blog, where I shared only a few recipes, was replaced by the new blog system and the old one disappeared into nowhere. In the new blog, I also shared a few recipes. I also began to give an insight into my life. It is not a full view, but rather a view through the keyhole.

It has also been more than a year since I stepped down from my management position. More than six months have passed since I relinquished the last remaining 5 percent of the responsibility. It is astonishing how quickly time passes.

Several people desperately tried to question what made me give up my job. 

Why do you quit a job you like to do? Why do you take a new path without knowing exactly where it will lead you? Is it a thirst for adventure, is it a love of risk? 

Before I decided towards the end of 2018, I asked myself what and who is important to me in life. What else can I achieve in my career? How important is it? These questions and answers are somehow comparable to the question of what came first - the chicken or the egg. I had the answers to questions before I even formulated the questions.

Today I have a completely different question. Why did other people question my personal decisions? They are people who think they know me but do not know me well, who rack their brains over it without being part of my inner circle.
Why? 

Kawika wrote something comparable to this in his last blog entry. Comparable does not fit exactly. However, there is a certain analogy, as it refers to the subjective view of another person. It was about the perception of an outsider about personal success. 

How can personal success be recognised? Is personal success visible or measurable?
Yes and no.

The success of a company can be measured and evaluated using figures. However, personal success cannot be measured in this way. Anyone who believes that a luxury car, a big house, etc. are signs of success, could be mistaken. Of course, that is my view. 

There are only a few personal successes that are visible to others. A passed exam crowned with a diploma is an example of this. But there are countless successes in our lives that only we perceive. These are the many small victories. When, after numerous attempts, I baked the first bread that was not only tasty but also looked like the bread of an expert baker, it was a great triumph. Although the proof was eaten up very quickly. 

I had answered the question of whether personal success is visible or measurable with yes and no. Yes, because personal success is manifested in one's personality. Someone's personality is expressed in many different ways. Body language, the articulation of the spoken or written word are only a few examples.

Would you be able to tell if I live a successful life, if we would meet on the beach and have an hour-long conversation about the beach and the ocean? 

How important is this to me? 

I would be delighted if you would answer this question. 

Edited by Tomster

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Kawika

Posted

Tomster... what a wonderful entry!  (thank you for the nod to my blog) You have touched on a couple of issues that I'm working on right now for a new blog... but I know you live a successful life...  however  if I were meeting you for the first time on the beach I would be able to read it in the way the light shines in your eyes...your body language... the strength and cadence of your voice... and perhaps one of my greatest assets is I am able to understand people not only by what they say but what they don't talk about particularly when the subject is about the beach and the ocean.

I know someone who is probably one of the richest people in the world (I'm not kidding) I rarely spend any amount of them with them anymore because in addition to being wealthy beyond belief...  but also the most unhappy and negative person I have ever known... it's  too difficult to be around this type of person to me in spite of being in a beautiful room wearing beautiful clothes and jewelry  and eating sumptuous food and drinking sparking vintage champagne... the negativity and unhappiness voids the rest of it for me... this person is not a success despite how what they have materially might appear on the surface.

 

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bakersman94

Posted

hey Tommy, i would never assume i knew who you were, just because i read some of the things, that were written in your own hand, that happened to you throughout your life. that doesn't mean i wouldn`t consider you a friend. we do have something in common, like making bread, although we have different styles, we both seem to know what we are doing. you have a wealth of knowledge for bread making, that i lack, but i can still bake a mean loaf of bread. 

i enjoy reading your blog entries, and getting know more about you. i`d have a big hug for you, if we were ever to meet in person!! i am a hugger afterall!! with love from Wes!! Hugs!!! 

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Tomster

Posted

@Kawika, thank you very much for your thoughts. They partially confirm my experiences. I had the opportunity to meet a few people in my life who are very wealthy. It's not necessarily a pleasure. Behind the masquerade, you will find nothing but emptiness. They are unhappy and full of resentment. But I also had the fortune to meet rare exceptions. These persons were fundamentally more down-to-earth than many other people. In one case, I would never have thought that he was so wealthy when I made his acquaintance. The prosperity of the other was evident at the very first meeting. I got to know a polite, kind elderly gentleman who was incredibly modest despite his wealth. His grandson has internalised many of these qualities.

I do not doubt that you would see more of or in me than other people if we would meet on the beach. Some people see me like an open book, while others see me as a book with seven seals.

@bakersman94Wes, I think you know me better than you probably think you do. Your life experience and the warmth you convey through your words are inspiring for me. It is in my nature to acquire knowledge. I need to understand what I am doing. Once I concept the causal relation, I can better control the result or even create new recipes. Our approaches may be different, but we certainly have one thing in common. In the end, we put a tasty bread on the table.

It raises a new question. Are the commonalities important? For me, a few commonalities are the basis for a relationship of any kind. I live with three blokes (one of them is my husband). It is fair to say that we live together like a family. A deep-running friendship connects us. Everyone participates from everyone else by the different characters, different points of view, and various interests. We give and take. Together we discover new terrain.

The question I ended the entry with was: How important is it to me? The answer is quite simple. Every experience, every encounter in life,  becomes a part of me. Every success, no matter how small - be it the nearly perfect loaf of bread, a tasty meal, or passing the practical test for the maritime licence - is part of this mosaic. A single piece of a mosaic is only a piece of broken glass.

Is it correct to define success by the omnipresent small triumphs, or is it only the "big success"?

What do you think? 

 

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Kawika

Posted

4 hours ago, Tomster said:

@Kawika,  But I also had the fortune to meet rare exceptions. These persons were fundamentally more down-to-earth than many other people. In one case, I would never have thought that he was so wealthy when I made his acquaintance. The prosperity of the other was evident at the very first meeting. I got to know a polite, kind elderly gentleman who was incredibly modest despite his wealth. His grandson has internalised many of these qualities.

 

 

 

Oh I have too and should have included that in what I wrote... it's very evident in Hawaii with locals and long-time Kamaaina families... they don't like to flaunt wealth and usually give very generously  to charitable organizations anonymously... and are also the happiest people I know.

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bakersman94

Posted

9 hours ago, Tomster said:

Is it correct to define success by the omnipresent small triumphs, or is it only the "big success"?

What do you think? 

oh, it is correct my friend, i see all successes as good!! only a fool would ignore small triumphs, as they are all feathers for our caps. i wear all mine with pride and dignity!! i am full of compassion and passion, almost to a fault!! i know i`d fit in with your family of good friendships, i could offer your table some good food you may not have tried before, i`d even share all my recipes. nothing brings out the best in a friendship more than being appreciated. some on my family wouldn`t know how to appreciate me, if their lives depended on it!! yet i`m always there for them when they need me, because my love for them is unconditional. with love from Wes!! Hugs!!! 

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majikthis

Posted (edited)

First of all, thank you for another thoughtful and thought-provoking entry.

I really don't have much more to add* to what you guys have already said so well. Methinks we tend to equate success with material wealth, a trait that has been with us since the first apes decided it might be fun to see what's beneath the trees (a bad move in my opinion). Who can grab the most berries, who can breed with the most females, who can trash the most opponents - chimpanzees are really a horrible lot (except for the Bonobos, who realised that you can curb male aggression and conflicts within the group by lots of sex in every possible combination.** )

But being human means we can (and often - although not often enough -  do) rise above the strictures of nature and natural evolution and develop empathy, compassion, love - traits that have no meaning in a strictly natural context where, if anything, they would be rather counterproductive ("oh, that bunny is so cute, I'm not going to kill it" "oh that chap has been my friend since we were puppies, I am not going to fight him for one scrawny female").

What I mean to say with this lengthy introduction is that for me real success is rising above our basest instincts. I would be a fool to say that material (financial, if you will) success does not matter. Money is a means -and only one means - to achieve happiness. But some of the best humankind has had to offer show that it's not necessary. Jesus was a poor vagabond, who died an excruciating (excuse the unintended pun) death. Yet his success is unquestionable, even if you do not believe in his resurrection and ascension.  The Buddha left the lifestyle and privileges of a crown prince in the pursuit of happiness and the freedom from suffering. Yet his success is unquestionable, even if you do not follow his teachings.

Oh Lordy, I am running on again. In short for me success equals happiness: a successful person is one who has fought and conquered "the dark side" that lurk in all of us, who has developed compassion and empathy, who is at peace with themselves and the world around them. And this success is independent of how much money you have, or how high your social status is. "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal; For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:19-21).

From what you have told us about yourself here at AM I would certainly deem you a succesful person. I understand you have that material success, too, that made it possible for you to quit your job. But more importantly you sound content, you show compassion and empathy and a genuine interest in others. And that would probably show if we ever met on a beach and have that conversation (Kawika put it more poetically, I can't compete with that). Mind you, before we could talk I would probably have a long conversation WITH the ocean and the beach. Remember, I come form a landlocked country, so the sea holds an enless fascination for me. You can expect long silences, funny noises and the occasional jumping up and down.

2 hours ago, bakersman94 said:

i see all successes as good!! only a fool would ignore small triumphs, as they are all feathers for our caps. i wear all mine with pride and dignity

Totally agree. One such feather I am very proud of is my A (100%) in maths at my secondary school final exam (Matura in Austria, Abitur in Germany). The maths teacher hated me (he was one of those miserable little men who take out their frustration on others). So when I got the exam results I went up to him with a polite version of "In your face, sucker!" For an outsider its a trifle thing but for me it was a huge triumph. 

*In hindsight that was a lie.

** Did you know that Bonobos are the only non-human animal to have been observed engaging in tongue kissing and frotting?

 

Edited by majikthis
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malelover

Posted

On 10/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, majikthis said:

Bonobos

World peace would be within reach if all those little men with big balls and fantasies of world domination could meet just once for a joint visit at the ape habitat of any zoo. More precisely, in front of the enclosures of our closest genetic relatives - the chimpanzees and bonobos. In the chimpanzee enclosure, the human alpha animals could wonderfully observe their own power strategies: Chimpanzee groups are dominated by individual alpha males, who put on quite a show to impress their subjects and create rope teams to secure their power. The bonobos are entirely different: they live a female-dominated hippie life in pure culture. Bonobo females form societies without too rigid hierarchies, the eldest is usually in charge. Should bonobo males within the group rebel, bonobo females will form an alliance to call the troublemaker to order. They treat their neighbours peacefully, they share food and other resources amicably. But above all: they have sex all the time. Seven times more often than chimpanzees and also entirely detached from their receptivity. For bonobos, intimate hugs, French kisses, mutual oral and manual stimulation, ecstatic genital rubbing is an integral part of social interaction - both homo- and heterosexual. Sex is like shaking hands for bonobos. It gives bonobos pleasure and, above all, helps to reduce tension and promote a sense of community. Bonobos don't beat each other's heads in when they're in a bad mood or quarrel but fuck each other. Make love, not war. And this, by the way - quite unusual in the animal kingdom - usually with faces facing each other and intimate eye contact.

Apart from the fact that our sex life is very similar to that of bonobos, we are also more socially similar to bonobos than chimpanzees, leaving aside matriarchy. On the contrary, when applied to mankind, one comes to the conclusion that "chimpanzee humans" are in the vast majority.

Finding a transition from the apes' cage to wealthy people is an easy task. Of course, both extremes mentioned exist. It is a social phenomenon that a number of rich individuals are presented in the media. Reality shows and documentaries that show how a minority indulge in their decadence are rewarded with high audience ratings. This form of abundance is sold as desirable and achievable. On the contrary, one does not find such documentaries about wealthy people who hide their prosperity.

 

On 10/23/2020 at 4:54 PM, Kawika said:

Oh I have too and should have included that in what I wrote... it's very evident in Hawaii with locals and long-time Kamaaina families... they don't like to flaunt wealth and usually give very generously  to charitable organizations anonymously... and are also the happiest people I know.

❤️ Your additional relativisation reveals that there are more than fifty shades of grey between black and white. Many thanks for this, Kawika. I am pretty sure that the majority of people with some wealth are living a solid life and fulfilling their responsibility towards society and their fellow human beings. The particular culture has an influence on whether a certain level of wealth is just visible or presented deliberately.

Although I do not have a deeper insight into Hawaiian culture and its values, my impressions were completely different than of other US states. The perception and "exhibition" of wealth in Australia is different from other Western countries. Australians love their family homes, and they like them to be a little bigger. Australian society is much less characterised by class or caste thinking than many others. You may find that you are perceived as better off. But that was it. 

 

On 10/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, majikthis said:

Methinks we tend to equate success with material wealth

I fully agree with you that material wealth is often equated with (financial) success. In most cases, however, monetary success is merely a by-product.

 

On 10/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, majikthis said:

I would be a fool to say that material (financial, if you will) success does not matter. Money is a means -and only one means - to achieve happiness.

That's true. That's not true. There is only a very thin line between chance and danger. I do not think that it is a means of achieving happiness. You can achieve a certain level of freedom, yes. 

@bakersman94 Wes, I was about to quote the same as @majikthis did. Experiencing appreciation is important. The small gestures are what count. Unfortunately, we often make the mistake to take everything for granted. It isn't.

Before Thomas has to rename the blog entry to On Wealth, I would like to add that only the successes that are mostly invisible to others count. 

 

On 10/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, majikthis said:

I would probably have a long conversation WITH the ocean and the beach. ... You can expect long silences

I see you both sitting on the beach staring at the ocean. You will probably have the most interesting non-verbal conversation.

 

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Tomster

Posted

On 10/23/2020 at 4:54 PM, Kawika said:

Oh I have too and should have included that in what I wrote...

I'm glad you didn't. It gave me the chance to shed some light on another side. ☺️

On 10/23/2020 at 4:54 PM, Kawika said:

usually give very generously  to charitable organizations anonymously...

This is not directly related to your example. Also in this regard, the wide spectrum seems to be covered. From individuals whose donation is accompanied by a press release to those who wish to remain completely unnoticed in the background. I do not wish to condemn this in any way. Even those who might want to use it to promote their own label, HELP others in need. They also cause additional attention to aid projects. I can't imagine that anybody is concerned about gratitude when they donate. 

On 10/23/2020 at 9:14 PM, bakersman94 said:

nothing brings out the best in a friendship more than being appreciated.

That is very true. It is mutual recognition, expressed in words and gestures. Even though I like to express my appreciation with a compliment, I find it difficult to accept compliments. Ben and Pat outdo me on this. It is their culture that causes them to play down their own achievements. They feel uncomfortable when they are told that they have done an amazing job. 

@majikthisThanks a lot for the Bonobos. 😁🐒

On 10/23/2020 at 11:15 PM, majikthis said:

From what you have told us about yourself here at AM I would certainly deem you a succesful person. I understand you have that material success, too, that made it possible for you to quit your job. But more importantly you sound content, you show compassion and empathy and a genuine interest in others.

Thanks for the compliments. It is true. When I decided to quit my job I did not have to consider this aspect. I find it difficult to see it as a material success. I had the opportunity to acquire shares of the company when one of the three shareholders sold. I have contributed to the success of the company as managing director. The same is valid for every single employee. In retrospect, this investment was a good decision. Many see such investments as a risk. Yes, it could have gone the other way. It might be interesting to note that months earlier a change in the legal form of the company was being planned, which would have offered all employees the option of employee share ownership. 2 out of 80 were a little interested. 

Empathy and compassion are values that are important to me. As a born Christian (I later switched to my middle name) I grew up with these values. They are part of me and I never want to give them up. 

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majikthis

Posted

On 10/25/2020 at 10:15 AM, malelover said:

You can achieve a certain level of freedom, yes.

That is exactly what I meant. 😘

On 10/25/2020 at 10:15 AM, malelover said:

one does not find such documentaries about wealthy people who hide their prosperity.

That reminds me of piece of news I read a couple of weeks or so ago

"(Irish-American mogul) Chuck Feeney has achieved his lifetime ambition: giving away his $8bn (£6bn) fortune while he is still around to see the impact it has made.

For the past 38 years, Feeney, an Irish American who made billions from a duty-free shopping empire, has been making endowments to charities and universities across the world with the goal of 'striving for zero … to give it all away' ... Feeney, who gave most of his money away in secret, said he hoped more billionaires would follow his example and use their money to help address the world’s biggest problems." https://www.theguardian.com/business/2020/sep/19/billionaire-chuck-feeney-achieves-goal-of-giving-away-his-fortune

On 10/25/2020 at 10:15 AM, malelover said:

that only the successes that are mostly invisible to others count.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” (Saint-Exupéry: The Little Prince - one of my favourite books)

4 hours ago, Tomster said:

from individuals whose donation is accompanied by a press release to those who wish to remain completely unnoticed in the background

I remember a few years ago I read somewhere that A. Jolie gave 160,000 dollars for some charity. And I was a bit pissed off, because I thought "the woman is worth bloody millions, why can't she donate more?" Then I realized the same thing you talk about: the important thing is that they do try to help AND draw attention to the causes they support. Yet I am also mindful of the advice (or warning) of Jesus: "Take heed that you do not do your charitable deeds before men, to be seen by them. Otherwise you have no reward from your Father in heaven. Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward. But when you do a charitable deed, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, that your charitable deed may be in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will Himself reward you openly." (Matthew 6)

🐵 Apes and other simians:

On 10/25/2020 at 10:15 AM, malelover said:

In the chimpanzee enclosure

I have always detested chimpanzees, probably because they are so much like us. I'd much rather gorillas were our closest relatives. I am not a zoophiliac, but I find silverbacks rather attracive. But then I have always liked big hairy men...

 

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